Sunday, December 05, 2010

Note off Facebook

I'm going to copy a note from Facebook and put it here, but I'm going to make it more honest I think. I'll bold everything I add to it now.

One hundred good questions, you ready?
Sure. Was that one of them? This wasn't one of them.

What is missing in your life?
I don't know, free time. I'm way too busy. And happiness, trust, comfort, stability, love, family, close friends, honesty, stuff like that.

What kind of person angers you the most?
Ignorant, rude people.

Would you die for those you care about?
For the few that I really  care about, yes. There are very few, five at the most, I'd say.

 What are you really good at?
Helping people. That's practically the only thing.

Which of your responsibilities do you wish you could get rid of?
Sometimes I'd like to get rid of school. Sometimes helping people too, because after a while some of their problems, along with my problems build up and become to heavy and I collapse. Of course, this isn't with everyone, there are some people who I love helping. I'm sure they'd know who they are. That one person. I'd help Oliver if he needed it, but he's still pretty innocent.

What is your biggest regret?
Probably trusting too many people.

Who makes you feel good about yourself?
One person; Oliver. There is one person who also does, but not always. But it's getting better, I suppose.

What positive changes have you made in your life recently?
I've been thinking more, it's both positive and negative, but I think it's more positive. I'm trying to be more open and honest.

What gets you excited about life?
Thinking about all of the possibilities.

If you could live forever, would you want to?

What is the best advice you have ever received?
I don't know. Lots of people advise me to take my own advice... That's really the only advice I've ever been given. I don't tell people what's wrong very often, so they can't advise me.

What do you admire most about your mother and father?
They're both stubborn. That's hardly true. My mom is strong and dedicated to doing things without help. I admire nothing about my father.

What is one primary quality you look for in a significant other?

How would you spend your ideal day?
Watch the sun rise, go somewhere quiet and peaceful, watch the sun set, then look at the stars. I wouldn't want to be alone either. There are two people who I can think of having an amazing time doing this with.

When should you reveal a secret you said you wouldn't?
When it puts someone's life at risk, I guess.

What's a secret of yours?
When I was younger, I was mad at a friend of mine, and refused to tell my grandmother good-bye and that I loved her, she died before I ever got to see or talk to her again.

What have you done that you are not proud of?
A lot of stuff. Not so much now as I used to though. When I say "a lot of stuff" I mean just about everything I've done. Anything involving Alex, other than leaving him.

Who impresses you?
No one.

What did life teach you yesterday?
Life didn't really teach me anything, I taught myself some stuff though, like that not everyone is untrustworthy. Though it's still hard to believe. Well, this yesterday, I learned something about someone else that's quite sad, and it's wrong, they think it's true, but it isn't.

Whose life have you had the greatest impact on?
Hopefully, in a good way, Oliver's.

What do you understand about your life today that you did not understand a year ago?
That not everyone is untrustworthy.. That addiction is with people forever.

What is the biggest change you have made in your life in the last year?
I've almost completely changed. I think differently, a lot. I don't know if anyone's noticed though.

What white lies do you often tell?
Usually only that I'm good, or fine, or okay, or whatever, when I'm not. I rarely ever admit that I'm not okay.

Would you rather your child to be less attractive and extremely intelligent, or less intelligent and extremely attractive?
Less attractive and extremely intelligent. Maybe. I wouldn't want a child who seems themself the way I see myself.

What do you do over and over again that you hate doing?
Lie, I guess.

If you could relive yesterday, what would you do differently?
I don't think I'd do anything differently. Maybe do more homework. Nothing. Yesterday was pretty good.

What makes you weird?
I'm sure the things that amuse me make me pretty weird.

What's something most people don't know about you?
There's a lot people don't know, I guess one thing I could say is that I'm actually nice, and caring. And that I don't hate everyone. I don't even dislike many people now, or I'm trying not to.

What do you think about when you lie awake in bed?
A lot. Mostly of the people I care about, and my life, and what I'm going to do the next day. And about all of my problems.

What are you looking forward to in the upcoming week?
Not really anything. The weekend, I guess.

What's the most important lesson you've learned in the last year?
I still think the most important lesson I've learned is not to trust people easily, it's also the hardest to unlearn.

What good comes from suffering?
Well, if you don't suffer, how do you truly know what happiness is?

What makes love last?
Trust, honesty, loyalty, patient, stuff like that.

How many people do you love?
Five or six humans, that I'm close to. I love most people in my family, but I'm not close to them, and I can't even count them all.

What's the best part of being you?
Knowing the people I know. That's the only good part.

If you had to move 3000 miles away, what one thing would you miss the most?
The people I care about that I'd be leaving behind.

How would you describe the last year of your life in one sentence?
I don't know, it's been changing a lot. A scribble of action, feeling, life, thought, and emotion.

When you look into the past, what thing do you miss the most?
I don't know.

What will you never give up on?
There are a few people I'd never give up on.

When was the last time you lied? What did you lie about?
The last time I remember was last night, I said I was fine. Same thing, different time.

What do you think is worth fighting for?
The people you care about, freedom, happiness, what's right.

In your lifetime what have you done that has hurt somebody else?
I can think of a few things. I'm a total bitch. I've made people cry and felt amazing about it. I still do. Hurting myself, I guess that hurts some people.

What's the biggest lie you once believed was true?
That most people are trustworthy and truly care.

What will you never do?
I don't know.

If you could go back in time and tell a younger version of you something, what would you tell them?
I don't know, almost anything I'd say would change who I am today, so probably nothing.

What are your favourite simple pleasures?
Seeing the sun rise, and bright full moons. Spending lazy days, laying in bed talking with the people I care about.

How would the world be different if you were never born?
I have no idea, if I was never born, no one would know about me at all, so it would just be meless.

What is your fondest memory of the last three years?
I don't know, I can think of a few that are good. Lots of funny things have happened, every time I cried from laughing is a good memory, every time I felt safe and okay. Every second I spend with the people I truly care about, well when we're getting along, every time I see the people I care about smile, every hug (not including Alex or my father), everytime the people I care about give me more reason to care.

Is the reward worth the risk?
Sometimes, usually, but I usually don't risk it.

If today was the last day of your life, who would you call and what would you tell them?
I'd call the people I care about and tell them I love them.

Who do you dream about?
The people closest to me.

If today was the last day of your life, would you want to do what you're about to do today?
Well, today is over. But, tomorrow, no, if it was my last day alive, I would not be attending school.

What has fear stopped you from doing?
A lot. Being honest, open, caring about people.

If you were forced to eliminate everything from your life except what could fit in one single backpack, what would you put in it?
My laptop because of my saved conversations, saved documents, and pictures. My blanket, my pink stuffed animal cat, the blue and white glass jar I have in my room, tarot cards, rubik's cube... That's probably all that would fit.

Who do you trust? Why?
I don't fully trust anyone. I am trying to trust a few people though. By "a few" I mean one.

How many of your friends would you trust with your life?
None, I wouldnt want to put that type of pressure on them.

Why do you matter?
Because I help people and because everyone matters. Ha, right.

If you could live the next 24 hours of your life and then erase it and start over, what would you do?
I'd be totally and completely honest.

How do you know whether it's time to continue holding on or time to let go?
I don't know, you just know, or at least I do.

When you help someone, do you ever think about what's in it for you?
No, I've given people advice that could affect me badly before.

If your life was a novel what would the title be, and how would the story end?
I have no idea what the title would be. And I don't know how it'd end, because I'm not finished living.

What is the most important thing you could do right now in your personal life?
What I'm trying to do.

What three words would you use to describe the last three months of your life?
Great. Crazy. Horrible.

If you haven't achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
I don't know. Probably nothing, but I find that hard to believe.

Would you rather lose all of your old memories or never be able to make new ones?
Lose all of my old memories. I don't want to lose them, but I'm always making new memories, and I don't want to live in the past, the past sucked, right now is pretty good, for the most part.

What's the difference between innocence, and ignorance?
Innocence is real, ignorance is fake.

What's the difference between falling in love and being in love?
Falling in love is when it's beginning to happen, being in love is after it happened.

If the doctor gave you five years to live, what would you try to accomplish?
I'd try to write a book.

Has your greatest fear ever come true?
Kind of, yes.

Have you ever regretted something you didn't say or do?

If we learn from out mistakes, why are we always afraid to make them?
Because we don't want to make mistakes, and usually we don't realize how well we benefit from them until a while after the mistake.

Which is worse, failing or never trying?
To me, failing.

Is it possible to lie without saying a word?
Yes, easily.

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I'd be honest.

If you could do it all over again, would you change anything?

Are you holding on to something that you need to let go of?
I don't think so.

Have you recently done anything worth remembering?
I believe so.

What do you think of when you think of love?
Dark shades of red, pulsating noises.. stuff like that. XD And fear, betryal, hate, pain, lies, cheating, being used, and a small ray of sunlight, shinging through the darkness. That ray is the few people I truly love and care about me. The ones who have yet to hurt me.

Where do you find refuge?
My room.

Are you ready?

When do you feel most alive?
When I'm in a peaceful place, or when watching the sun rise.

Who are you most yourself around?
I have no idea. I think I know, maybe, but I don't want to say. They may know anyways. I'm most real around Johnny.

If you had to go back to the worst point in your life, what would you change about it?
Nothing, it's made me who I am today.

When is love no longer love?
When you no longer need/want the person in your life, I guess.

If you were to die tomorrow, who would you write letters to today?
I can think of 12 people.

How many people do you truly hate?
Three. My father, Alex, and myself.

How many people do you truly love?
I'd say five.

Is it more important to love or be loved?
To love, for me. I'd rather love than be loved. I like being loved, but I want other people to be happy more than I want myself to be happy.

Would you rather know the truth and be unhappy, or be happy and not know the truth?
I don't know. I'd like to know the truth, but I don't want to be unhappy, but I guess I'd deal with it to know the truth.

When should you listen to your head rather than your heart?
When the matter doesn't involve your heart.

Why do we find it easy to love others, yet so hard to love ourselves?
Because most people can only see the flaws in themselves. And we don't know anyone else the way we know ourselves, and everyone has reasons to hate themselves, we don't know everyone else's.

Do you like your appearance?

Who knows you the most?
One person knows me more than most, and they hardly know me. Johnny. I don't know why I'm letting him in. It's dangerous, but he makes it seem safe.

How many people do you truly trust?

How many do you somewhat trust?
Five. On a scale of 1 - 10 the one I trust the most is a 3.

Which is stronger, love or hate?
Hate, because love rarely lasts forever, and hate usually does.

When was the last time you were proud of yourself?
I have no idea.

Did you know that everyone is special in their own way?

Would you like to be rich, why or why not?
No, because I'd be too afraid people would just use me for my money. If I were rich, I'd never become friends with anyone I wasn't already friends with.

Will you remember today 10 years from now?

No comments:

Post a Comment