Day Five: Six things I wish I had never done.
First off, I'd like to say that I try to live without many regrets, and see at least one good thing in every day thing. Because a lot of bad, even horrible situations, have something good about them, too. Not all, of course, but some. For example, I hate my ex-boyfriend, so much, but I don't regret our relationship, even though I'm sure it's tainted my image, etc. I don't regret the relationship, because I learned a lot from it. I made mistakes, and I learned from them.
1. Ignored my grandmother the last time I ever saw her. When I was, I think seven, I was at my grandmothers with my friend and mom for the weekend. My friend and I had got in an arguement, when we were in town, and as we were dropping my grandmother off at her house before leaving, I was still mad, and refused to talk to anyone, so when my grandmother said good-bye, I didn't respond. After about a minute, she said something along the lines of "Fine, be that way." And, a few weeks later she passed away. I never got to see her or talk to her again. I never got to say good-bye or tell her I love her.
2. Let my relationship with my ex go on for so long. Like I said above, I don't regret the relationship. But, I do regret how long it lasted. It could have ended 3.5 months earlier, and there was nothing else I'd have learned, I don't think. I was with him for 11.5 months. I only liked him for about 5 months. I left him in November of 2009, I should have left him in September or early October.
3. Not noticed Aaron's kittens were sick soon enough. My cat Aaron had kittens a year or two ago, and they got sick and passed away. We're not completely sure why they were sick, Aaron's healthy, but they were, and I always think, that if I noticed earlier, I could have maybe saved them, or even just some of them.
4. Watched Peter Pan. Not every time, but one time, when I was around nine years old, a few weeks after my father had gotten two new beagle puppies, (you can see Clover in an earlier post, she was one of the puppies) I was outside playing with them. They were on leashes so they wouldn't run away. After a while I decided to go in and watch a movie. I left the puppies outside, because they stayed out a lot on their own usually, as did all of my fathers beagles before them, so I thought it was fine. After about 10 or 15 minutes I went back outside to check on them, because I heard a lot of barking. When I went outside, I noticed Dixie, Clover's sister had fallen off the deck that they were beside. The deck was only about two feet off the ground; Dixies feet were not even an inch away from the ground. She was dead. I picked her up, set her on the deck, took her collar off, and went inside to wake my father up and tell him what happened. I know that if I had not gone in to watch Peter Pan, a movie that I had never even really liked, Dixie would be alive today.
5. Tried drugs. Once, a year ago or so, my boyfriend at the time, convinced me to try weed. I really didn't want to, but he bugged me so much, that I stupidly gave in. I don't even think I was high, but I still regret trying it. I had planned on never doing drugs and being able to say, my entire life that I never have. And now I can't, because of that one summer night.
6. Started cutting. I used to cut, a lot. I first did it in Grade Six, but only once. And I didn't do it again until Grade 8. But, even since starting again in Grade Eight, it's been an issue for me. I'll stop for a bit, start again, stop, start, stop, start. I just repeat the cycle over and over. Even when everyone found out about it, everyone meaning my parents and at least 65% of the population at my school, I was only able to stop for so long. I rarely do it now, only once everyone month or two, but I still think about it a lot. I wish I had never done it, because it's impossible to forget once you've seen how wonderful it works.
I'm not saying because it's wonderful to do it, not at all. I would never ever recommend anyone do it, and if you're thinking of doing it, tell someone, and get help. It's one of the worst mistakes you could ever make.