Thursday, December 09, 2010

Day Five.

Day Five: Six things I wish I had never done.

First off, I'd like to say that I try to live without many regrets, and see at least one good thing in every day thing. Because a lot of bad, even horrible situations, have something good about them, too. Not all, of course, but some. For example, I hate my ex-boyfriend, so much, but I don't regret our relationship, even though I'm sure it's tainted my image, etc. I don't regret the relationship, because I learned a lot from it. I made mistakes, and I learned from them.

1. Ignored my grandmother the last time I ever saw her. When I was, I think seven, I was at my grandmothers with my friend and mom for the weekend. My friend and I had got in an arguement, when we were in town, and as we were dropping my grandmother off at her house before leaving, I was still mad, and refused to talk to anyone, so when my grandmother said good-bye, I didn't respond. After about a minute, she said something along the lines of "Fine, be that way." And, a few weeks later she passed away. I never got to see her or talk to her again. I never got to say good-bye or tell her I love her.
2. Let my relationship with my ex go on for so long. Like I said above, I don't regret the relationship. But, I do regret how long it lasted. It could have ended 3.5 months earlier, and there was nothing else I'd have learned, I don't think. I was with him for 11.5 months. I only liked him for about 5 months. I left him in November of 2009, I should have left him in September or early October.
3. Not noticed Aaron's kittens were sick soon enough. My cat Aaron had kittens a year or two ago, and they got sick and passed away. We're not completely sure why they were sick, Aaron's healthy, but they were, and I always think, that if I noticed earlier, I could have maybe saved them, or even just some of them.
4. Watched Peter Pan. Not every time, but one time, when I was around nine years old, a few weeks after my father had gotten two new beagle puppies, (you can see Clover in an earlier post, she was one of the puppies) I was outside playing with them. They were on leashes so they wouldn't run away. After a while I decided to go in and watch a movie. I left the puppies outside, because they stayed out a lot on their own usually, as did all of my fathers beagles before them, so I thought it was fine. After about 10 or 15 minutes I went back outside to check on them, because I heard a lot of barking. When I went outside, I noticed Dixie, Clover's sister had fallen off the deck that they were beside. The deck was only about two feet off the ground; Dixies feet were not even an inch away from the ground. She was dead. I picked her up, set her on the deck, took her collar off, and went inside to wake my father up and tell him what happened. I know that if I had not gone in to watch Peter Pan, a movie that I had never even really liked, Dixie would be alive today.
5. Tried drugs. Once, a year ago or so, my boyfriend at the time, convinced me to try weed. I really didn't want to, but he bugged me so much, that I stupidly gave in. I don't even think I was high, but I still regret trying it. I had planned on never doing drugs and being able to say, my entire life that I never have. And now I can't, because of that one summer night.
6. Started cutting. I used to cut, a lot. I first did it in Grade Six, but only once. And I didn't do it again until Grade 8. But, even since starting again in Grade Eight, it's been an issue for me. I'll stop for a bit, start again, stop, start, stop, start. I just repeat the cycle over and over. Even when everyone found out about it, everyone meaning my parents and at least 65% of the population at my school, I was only able to stop for so long. I rarely do it now, only once everyone month or two, but I still think about it a lot. I wish I had never done it, because it's impossible to forget once you've seen how wonderful it works.
I'm not saying because it's wonderful to do it, not at all. I would never ever recommend anyone do it, and if you're thinking of doing it, tell someone, and get help. It's one of the worst mistakes you could ever make.


  1. At least you learned from these mistakes.

    1. You now know what it feels like to have time take away loved ones from you. So now you should appreciate the time you have with them.
    2. You learned that you need to follow your heart, follow your instincts. He was obviously not worth it.
    3/4. You learned to be more responsible and alert, watching out for others just in case. Sometimes things are meant to happen, you can't change them any more because it's all in the past. Let it go and look forward to your future.
    5. You learned to avoid peer pressure, make your own decisions. Do what you think it right.
    6. Now you know it was wrong to harm yourself. Doing it all those months made you realise that it was wrong. You deserved better than that. I used to do it too, only for a while, so I can sympathise how you must regret doing that now.

    Anyways, sorry the comment is so long!

  2. All of those are 100% right; you made really good points.
    Sometimes, I only think of the negative aspects of these situations, but in general, I know they're all good lessons. It's just hard to always believe it, and see the good.
    And I don't mind the comment length.
    Thanks for commenting. (: