Thursday, June 30, 2011

Day 10

Day 10 - Did you have a good day or a bad day? Where do you think that defining line was?
Today was both good and bad. I had to be woken up at 8, to go to school and get my report card. I had to see Dani and not throw my textbook at her face. I was shaking I was so mad...
Anyways, I got 81 in Yoga, 72 in Bio, 67 in Canadian History, 61 in Global History, 75 in English, 45 in Math, and 21 in Chemistry.
I thought I would get like a 9 in Chemistry honestly.... I actually didn't even write the exam...
And, as for math, we dont need Math 11 to graduate, and the teacher never even told us that until it was too late to switch courses. I wouldnt have dropped it if I knew on time.
So, after finally leaving school and hour later, I went and got a new cage for the boy rats with my mother. There were no rat cages, so we got a chinchilla one. And, since the babies are small, I had to rat proof it. It took a total of 7 - 8 hours to put it together, rat proof it, and get it ready for the baby boys and Shane.... 6.5 hours, going towards tying wire mesh stuff to the outside of the cage... Guess who almost went insane today?
Anyways, I put the boys and Shane in, and they're all doing great. They get along well and like their cage. Which, I also require a spoon to open because I'm too weak.
My father stopped in to drop off child money stuff, and my mother was asleep, so I had to answer the door. Well, not answer it, go meet him, since he was already inside. He asked me to baby sit for him Sunday - Tuesday, since he'd be working away for a few days. If he actually does need me to I will, since that will mean seeing Oliver without seeing him hardly at all.
Also, Johnny will be coming over pretty soon, for I'm pretty sure the  night.
So, today started out bad, and got good.
Finishing the cage and putting the rats in it was the changing point, though it was also really sad, because they're growing up too fast! And they might miss Mikey and their sisters, and Mikey and the sisters miss them. And when they leave for good, I'll miss them. ):

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Day 9

Day 9 - Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
I don't see myself anywhere in 10 years. I don't know what's going to happen to my life, so I have no idea where I'll be in 10 years, if I'm even alive. I could easily die within the next 10 years, just like everyone else.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Day 8

Day 8 - Write about the first moment that comes to your head when you read the words "childhood memory"
Once, when I was about 4, my mother was upstairs doing something while I was left downstairs, alone. And, at some point I started calling my mother downstairs to come find me, because I was hiding. So, she came downstairs to come find me, and she looked around all over the house for me, and she couldn't find me, but she was able to hear me giggling... After a while, she eventually found me on top of the fridge. And, where it was located, she doesn't really know how I got up there. I either climbed onto the counter, and then jumped across the 3 or 4 foot space, to get one fridge, or I climbed up the side of the fridge, using the wall to maybe help me, neither of which I should have been able to do.
I think the climbing one makes more sense though, because when I was even younger, like not long after learning to walk good, I was climbing out of my crib all the time.
I got into a lot of trouble as a baby. XD

I only thought of that story first, because Johnny and I had been talking about it when I was over there last.

Monday, June 27, 2011


I haven't really been posting much recently. I've either not felt liek posting, or I've been too busy to post, depending on the day/time.
I was at Johnny's last night, and he was at my house the night before. Things have been really good between us over the last few days, which is kind of surprising, since just last week I was thinking about whether I wanted to stay with him or break up with him...
Last week I found out that while we were techinically broken up, but still together, and trying to work things out, he cheated on me, with Dani. You know, the girl I absolutely hate, want dead, don't trust, ex best friend, the one who ignored him for two months, the girl who was the only problem Johnny and I ever had. Yeah, that one. I was absolutely pissed off at her, and I probably always will. I thought I hated her before... ha! That's nothing compared to how much I hate her now. She was the only one who knew how much I loved Johnny, and she knew we were trying to work things out, but she still did it,
It's not just her that I blame. I blame him for it too. But, it's hard for me to stay mad at him. I'm mostly just upset with him. Really upset. But we talked about it a lot, which helped. And, I have no idea if he cared about me then, but I know he does now. And, you're supposed to put the past behind you, right? And, I don't like giving up, unless I hate the person, and I don't hate him.
I hate being lied to, tricked, and cheated on, that's why I was thinking about breaking up with him.
Since it happened, those two have not hung out in person, and he told me he wouldn't even speak to her again, if it meant making me happy. I never told him whether it would or not, but it obviously would, so he said he'd stop talking to her, 100% his choice.
And, of course I messaged her about it. When she didn't respond, I re-messaged her. And we talked about it a bit, civilly. I still absolutely hate her and want her dead, but murder's illegal. Which, isn't too bad, because if it weren't, I'd probably be dead by now. Dead people don't kill.
I want to hurt her, physically. Johnny doesn't like violence, or want me getting in trouble or anything. I told Nathan, her ex, about it too, and he doesn't want me to beat her up, and then have me look like the bad person. So, I probably wont. Maybe.
When messaging her, I told her about how I could tell all of her friends about everything she's done, and make them all hate her, and I probably could. But I don't know if I will.
I told Nathan, and I told my cousin Ali, who know really dislikes her. They had kind of been friends.
And now Johnny and Ali, my two best and closest friends are away from her, so it's not too bad.
Johnny had been starting to not want to be friends with her anyways.
I know he really regrets it. And, now, he is different, and he cared about me more now than ever before.
I'm still confused, and I'm still upset with him, but I'm not considering breaking up with him anymore.
When I first found out, which was by reading a message between them on Facebook, which he left open when he went to use the washroom, I sat on my bed, wondering if I should even bring it up, because then he'd know I read the message, but I ended up crying, so I couldn't exactly hide that...
He had spent the previous night at my house, and he was supposed to jam with his friends that day, but he cancelled, and took me back to his house for the night.
He's been saying a lot of sweet things recently. I had been wondering if he was saying them because of what happened or because he meant them. But, he now knows that lying, even if the truth is bad, will only make things worse with me, and I asked him if he really meant what he was saying, or if he was just saying it to make me feel better. And, when he says it, he says he wants me to believe him. So, it seems he's telling the truth.
And, since getting back together, he's been trying more in the relationship. We both have been.
With her out of our lives I can hopefully move on and stop constantly thinking about it, and not let it ruin my relationship with Johnny.
I still have more to think about and figure out and everything, of course.
Besides that mistake, he really is a great guy...

Days 5, 6, 7.

Day 5 - Pick a song that projects the same mood as your day or week and explain.
Day 6 - Talk about a recent experience that has effected you greatly and how.
Day 7 - Think of the last person you hugged. What would you do if they vanished completely?
Day 5 - I don't listen to music enough anymore to think of a song that works for this.
Day 6 - This would be what I was talking about talking about in my last post. I still don't know if I want to talk about it.
Another thing, my couin Ali is taking two of the baby rats, now I only need to find homes for 8 of them!....Which is still most. I'm keeping two, she's taking two...
Day 7 - The last, and only person I ever hug, is Johnny. And, if anyone I knew completely vanished, I'd be terrified and maybe go insane. But, I'd just vanish right after him, and follow him!

Friday, June 24, 2011


A lot has happened in the last few days..
I don't know if I want to talk about it here or not. I've been considering it, and came close once, but I'm still not sure.
I think I should at least first wait until I figure more things out first, and understand things better.
That's why I've been posting nothing but Day things, because there's nothing else to say, except the one thing I don't know if I want to say.
I think it would be really surprising. Everyone who's found out already, has been really surprised, except me. And, it's not good, but I don't want it to sound bad and make certain people seem bad, though I know it does. When I told my cousin, I used my words carefully, so I was telling the truth, but making it sound more how I wanted it to sound. Which is biased, but still... I don't like the exact truth. Well, I don't like the situation at all, in any way. Except using it to make someone I dislike seem even worse. But, only because of the truth, so it's their fault they did it.
But, I don't know...
I'm supposed to be going with Johnny to a doctor appointment of his sometime next week. His mom had told him to go alone, like without her,  and he didn't want to, so he invited me to go. I may know my way around the area better, and he'd probably be nervous about going, since he's going to see why he's been feeling so sick for the last, well, quite a while. He said he's scared that something would be really wrong with him, and so is his mom. I think whether it's something serious or not, he should still go to the doctor about it. I had been asking him to make an appointment for probably months before he finally did... But, at least he has one now. He needs to get blood work done at some point too. I'm not sure if he's getting it done that day or not. But he hates needles.

Day 4

Day 4 - What do you think it means to be in love?
I think it's a lot different than simply loving someone. When you're in love with them, the love is a lot stronger, and you'd be willing to do just about anything for the person, and they're someone you want, or need to be with, and you'd want to be with them, you wouldn't want anyone or anything else, as long as you have them, everything's okay. It would be someone you want in your life for a very long time. The only person you can see yourself with, or happy with.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Day 3

Day 3 - Where have you been spending your time lately? Three/Five/Ten years ago would you have expected to be there?
My room, and with Johnny.
I maye have expected I'd be spending lots of time in my roo, 3 years ago, maybe 5, but not 10.
I've only known Johnny for a year and a half, so I clearly never expected that.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Days 1 & 2.

Day 1 - What happened today? If it was the last day of your life, how satisfied would you be with your final hours?
Day 2 - Who are you? In comparison to who you used to be. What made you change?
Day 1 - (I'm doing this for today, not yesterday, even though I was supposed to do Day 1 yesterday.) Today, so far, I woke up at Johnny's, I've eaten fries and cookies, and I've turned my cousin against Dani. I'll say why in another post, maybe.... So, pretty satisfied.
Day 2 - I'm more daring now, but also more careful...if that makes sense. I'm more open about my hate, but I hate less people. I focus more on good people, and removing the bad people from my life. I guess the fight with my father last July, and getting with Johnny, meeting Nathan, and going through summer, and everything Johnny and I have been through, and even the shit with Dani has changed that.

Monday, June 20, 2011

too tired to post..

Probably too tired to do this, too...

Day 1 - What happened today? If it was the last day of your life, how satisfied would you be with your final hours?
Day 2 - Who are you? In comparison to who you used to be. What made you change?
Day 3 - Where have you been spending your time lately? Three/Five/Ten years ago would you have expected to be there?
Day 4 - What do you think it means to be in love?
Day 5 - Pick a song that projects the same mood as your day or week and explain.
Day 6 - Talk about a recent experience that has effected you greatly and how.
Day 7 - Think of the last person you hugged. What would you do if they vanished completely?
Day 8 - Write about the first moment that comes to your head when you read the words "childhood memory"
Day 9 - Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Day 10 - Did you have a good day or a bad day? Where do you think that defining line was?
Day 11 - Do you feel protective over someone?
Day 12 - If you could trade places with anyone for one week, who would it be and why?
Day 13 - Where do you see your best friend in 10 years?
Day 14 - When you are stressed, what can you use as an outlet? Why do you think it helps you?
Day 15 - What do you believe in? And not just God or atheism.
Day 16 - What are you passionate about?
Day 17 - Is there anything you would you like to change about yourself?
Day 18 - Talk about your extended family. Why do you think they are the way they are?
Day 19 - If you could be anywhere in the world, but you had to be there for a certain cause, where would you be and why?
Day 20 - Again, pick a song that projects the mood of your week or day.
Day 21 - Look back. Why did you choose this challenge? Do you think it says anything about you?
Day 22 - How do you think people see you? Be a little negative and a little positive.
Day 23 - Explain your life plan for the next month, then the next year, then three years, then five years.
Day 24 - Are you more social or independent? Why do you think that is?
Day 25 - What do you think it means to be a good parent?
Day 26 - Talk about a moment where you were truly happy. What was happening? Who were you with?
Day 27 - Is there a friend you are worried about? Why do they have you concerned? Do you think they'll be okay?
Day 28 - Would you rather someone tell you the truth up front but gently, or be lied to to spare your feelings?
Day 29 - If you could be doing the same things you do now, only in your own way, how would a normal day in your life go?
Day 30 - Look back on this last month and talk about it.

Sunday, June 19, 2011


I'm so sleepy. My cousin is supposed to be coming over around 2:30 for the night. My room is still a mess.. I'm too tired to clean! I'll do it once she leaves to come here, since it will take her about 20 minutes to get here.
There was something that happened at Johnny's that I wantd to say in the last post, and forgot until after posting, and now I can't remember what it was I wanted to say.
It may have been about how I'm getting really good at making him laugh when he's trying not to. Because I'll say something stupid or funny, and he tries not to laugh just to bug me. Usually I just comment on how he's trying not to laugh, and I can see it in his lips when they quiver, or kind of frown, but he's been getting better at ignoring that and not laughing. So, I looked at his eyes yesterday and told him to stop trying to distract himself from laughing by staring at the ceiling, and of course he burst out laughing. I felt pretty proud of myself. His body language can be pretty easy to read sometimes, and hidden meanings behind things he says. I really hope he and I can get closer. He says he wants to feel the same way about me, as I feel about him, but he just can't. I think he has a hard time feeling emotions, that's what he says. Kind of like how I suck at showing them. But even if he does, I'm still going to try, and I'm going to be patient with him, and only him. I am such an impatient person with everyone but him. XD
Anyways, I should go now.. I don't have much to talk about.

Saturday, June 18, 2011


I've had naps for the last two days. I had one yesterday, and I had one today. I even kind of slept in this morning, until around 8:00. It's the best sleep I had in two weeks, and I was still tired.
I was at Johnny's last night for the night. It was pretty fun. We tickled eachother a lot, and for once, I was actually doing good at tickling him too, so it wasn't just him beating me at it. I made funnier faces too. I think I'm getting more comfortable to be really weird around him, like I only am with my family, well, some of my family. Which, of course isn't a bad thing. At one point when we were wrestling (it got pretty rough at some points) he punched my arm, with actual force, and I punched him back, which he said really surprised him, and that it hurt. XD Both punches hurt, I don't know who's was worse. Neither were as hard as we could, of course. I used to wrestle even worse with my old step-brother Brady, who is one of Johnny's friends now, and I was like 8 - 11 then, not 16, so I had less of a pain tolerance then. Brady's the one who taught me how to punch properly, and wrestle. I'm probably a lot tougher now because of him than I normally would be. Which I'd consider a good thing, incase someone ever tries to rape me or something, because I could, and would, fight back. And, I've never really been girly, so wrestling's always been fun for me.
Last night at Johnny's, he had been eating white cheese flavoured popcorn, and then at one point, we kissed, and it gave me an allergic reaction, to the milk in it. XD My chest hurt a bit, and it was a little hard to breathe, and my tounge got really itchy, but I just drank some pop, which stung my toung, and that got rid of the itch. It was kind of funny, but in a way it sucked too, but it wasn't a bad reaction at all, so it's okay. I have allergic reactions a lot, but not normally to milk, seeing as I'm vegan. XD When I was vegetarian, I had them a lot. Eggs, milk, ice cream and cheese were the worst.
My cousin is coming over tomorrow for the night, she's bringing her gamecube, so I can play Harvest Moon (XD) and so she can see my rats.
It used to be my gamecube, before I gave it to her and her brothers as a christmas present because I hardly used it.
Last night as I was going to sleep, Johnny and I were talking about ways we could maybe get closer, and he said when the time was right, living together could maybe do that. I, of course, would love living with him, and I like that he seems to actually be able to consider it as a possibility some day.
Anways, I've been writing this for a while now.. so I'll stop. Bye.

Friday, June 17, 2011


I wrote my math exam earlier today, on five hours of sleep. It was apparently worth 103 points, and if I got all of the questions I did right, I can get 75 points, so roughly 72% is the highest I can get, which is pretty good for a final exam, I'd say. I got 69% last year, which was above the average. As long as I get at least like 53% I should be good, so I don't think I have much to worry about.
After the exam, my friend Vicki had no way home, so she would have had to stay there until 3:00, doing nothing, alone, and the exam was over at 11:20, so we drove her home, but first we stopped in at my house to see the rats. We were at my house for about 30 minutes, then we went and dropped her off at her house, and then I came home and talked to Johnny and my friend Matt. And, then I had a nap. For like 2.5 hours or so. Then I got up, ate, and came on my laptop. Johnny just signed in again!
I have to go now...I'm going to Johnny's for the night, and I have to be ready, and get to a neighboring town in 30 minutes to meet him somewhere...

Thursday, June 16, 2011


Shane fully met one of his babies for the first time today. Meaning, they hung out together in his cage for about ten minutes, and Shane even sniffed the babies bum. Dogs do that to meet eachother (I think) so that's probably why they do too. And, it was a boy I put in, so in a few weeks, they'll be living together, but not for long, since there's less than three weeks until I can start selling the babies. I put July 5th as the first day to be able to sell them.
That's them...
Since my mother still hasn't been able to get another big rat cage, when the boys are put with Shane, I'm going to be switching things around so the girls are in this smaller pink cage, because there's less girls, and the boys will be in the big blue cage, because it will give them a lot more space, and Shane's been in this cage for three weeks now. So, switching it up will be more fair. And hopefully really soon we can get a second big rat cage identical to the first, and then I think my mom said I can get two more boy rats to go in with Shane, since I'm keeping one or two of the female babies. But two of the baby rats are exactly identical. They have the same marking on their tummy, and I can't tell the two apart. I had first just thought there was one, but then I saw them both at once and realized differently. Mikey has a similar marking on her tummy, so that marking must just be in their DNA.
I cleaned Shane's cage today, because he was sorting through some dirty shavings to get some cleaner ones for his bed, which I think he pees in. So, I felt bad for him, and stopped studying for my exam and did that.
I'm taking a break from studying now, and will continue later today. I got a lot of the stuff memorized.
The Law of Cosine I'm only really learning today.. XD I always got all of the stuff mixed up before, but now I know it's: (^2 meaning squared)
c^2 = (a^2 + b^2) (- 2(a) x b) x cosC.
So like:
2^2 = 4^2 + 3^2 - 2(4) x 3 x cos C.
4 = 16 + 9 - 2(4) x 3 x cos C
4 = 25 - 8 x 3 x cos C
-21 = -24 x cosC
0.875 = cosC
cos^-1(0.875)  = X
28.96 = X

X being the angle I would have been looking for.
I couldn't show the division or subtraction on here, but I did it, of course... That's how the number on the left side of the equal sign changed.
And I did that without looking at the sheet, except to check to make sure what I was doing was right, which it was.
I should go now.. XD

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


My account is back to how it was before, so I can't respond to comments, signed in. So, I'm going to continue responding, but anonymous or whatever. Last night Johnny was being really sweet before he left to go to bed, and he said he wanted to talk today, but we've hardly talked at all.
We did talk about a pet store though, and he said it was a really good idea for me, and that he'd help me if I wanted his help, and apply for a job there. XD
We also talked about how at one point he has liked Dani, and told her. When he first told me this a few weeks ago, I was really worried that it had been while he and I were broken up, but apparently it was around the end of school last year, so like June. And we first kissed in July. So it's fine.
I also talked to Dani's ex boyfriend, who there has been lots of drama involved with (him, me, Dani and Johnny). We talked about it a lot. He just needed someone to talk to, since he's not speaking to either of them, he talked to me. I didn't mind much, actually. Dani's completely out of my life, and how she treated him is one of the reasons I started hating her, and not even Johnny knows they dated, so I can talk to him about that, where I can't Johnny.
I also talked to another friend of mine, who at the end of our conversation, commented on how we hadn't talked for that long in almost a year. He used to be one of my best friends. And, it was more of an in depth serious conversation. I kind of want to start talking to him more again.. He know's a lot of my past, and was one of my best friends during one of the hardest parts of my life. When I was cutting the most, starving the most, etc.
But, I don't know. I guess I'll see where things go.
My cousin is coming over Subnday for the night to see the ratties, and so she can bring her gamecube (that was once mine) because I have a random craving to play. But once I play, I'll be bored in 30 minutes. That's why I gave it to them in the first place, I hardly used it.
I want to see Johnny before Monday, but he's busy Saturday, and I'm busy Sunday... and I don't know about Friday, he may have mentioned it at his house, and then said he couldn't for some reason, I'm not sure.
My math exam is Friday. I'm staying home tomorrow to study, since I've hardly studied yet....I can do it! I hope.
My mood's been so much better since Johnny and I got back together (no surprise). It took a few days to get more used to it, and to stop worrying that he'd leave me right away. I'm not as worried now. And, by asking me to play video games with him, that was like his way of showing that he's trying to get more close too, I think. I had said I wanted us to do more together, so he doesn't get bored.. XD So, he's showing effort.
Last summer, we were going to go to the park, but it rained that day, so we didn't, and we never got around to it. So, this summer we are for sure... if it ever stops raining. It's been raining almost non-stop so far this spring.
I once read of heard somewhere that Canadians talk about the weather more than anyone else, and that it's not always typical everyday conversation in some places... Is it really? We always talk about the weather here! I was talking about it in math today.
25 days old:

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


I woke up at 3:00am this morning, and got back to sleep around 5:30...and slept until 7 or 8 something.
I spent the night at Johnny's not last night, but the night before. I accidentally woke him up at 5:30...oops. XD He got back to sleep around 6:00 though. I don't think I got back to sleep.
I haven't gone to school yet this week, because it's not like we'd be doing too much. I'm going tomorrow and Thursday though. Then, my math exam is on Friday. I still haven't studied.... I have a yoga project due tomorrow, that I don't want to do, but I should..
A week or so ago my mother had told me I should become a rat breeder. And, I mentioned it to Johnny, and he said I'd be good at it. I wasn't really considering doing it, but then earlier today I was thinking about it more, because I'm going to be sad when the baby rats leave. And I was like "why don't I just open my own pet store?" And then I went to my mom, and I told her that we should open a pet store, like sell rodents, and pet food and stuff. XD And, she commented on how I still have a year of school left to do, so I said why don't we next year? So, she said maybe. If I still wanted to open on in a year, she said she'd let me. I don't exactly know how to go about doing that yet, but I'm sure I could figure it out and stuff, and then next year we could work towards actually doing it if I wanted to. It would probably be hard, but out of every other single job I have ever thought of, I don't want any. And, I've always loved animals, so even if I didn't make all that much money, I'd at least be happy with the job. And I'd have my mommy to help me.
I think it would be pretty cool if I actually went through with this and sold like, rats, hamsters, some mice, bunnies, and ferrets. (Breeding the animals myself so I could keep tract of their family history and health, etc.) And, sell food and supplies for those animals, and even cat and dog food, because lots of people buy cat and dog food, because those are popular animals. And, taking in rodents that people are getting rid of or not treating well, etc.
It's just a big thought right now, but it seems like a good idea. I want to talk to Johnny about it when he finally comes on msn, to see what his thoughts are on it, because he always gives good advice... though he probably wouldn't know anything about this. He can be supportive! (:
I really missed him yesterday after leaving his house, like right after I left, I missed him right away, pretty much. It's not as bad today, but it's 2:12 pm, and we haven't talked yet. He's been on Facebook a few times..
When I was at his house, he got me to play a video game with him. I often lost track of where my character was, and just randomly pressed buttons, but apparently I did pretty good, and helped him. XD
I was thinking of giving him the link to my tumblr account, so if he ever wanted to, he could go on there.. I had mentioned it to him a few times. So, I don't know, maybe.

Saturday, June 11, 2011


It's getting late, but I'm not exactly tired enough to sleep yet, so I'm going to make a post first. I don't have all that much to say though...
I took Shane swimming today, in the bath tub.
Mikey was being a lot more friendly than usual today. She was walking around on me, and willingly walking into my hand and stuff.
The babies are all doing good.
Johnny and I didn't talk too much today, because he's with friends. But, he's coming over tomorrow, and when we were talking, he said some pretty good things.
First, he said that's he's being thinking about me more, good things. And, of course, it's good for that to happen.
And, a few days ago, I mentioned to him how my friend Vicki had asked if I was going to prom next year, and when I said no, probably not, she said I should go (well, I have to go) and that I should go with Johnny. And, today he mentioned that, and said that he kind of regrets not going to his, and that he'd like to go with me to mine next year. I'd be happy to go with him. I wouldn't normally want to go, but with him I would..
And, him saying that also means that he plans to be close enough to me this time next year to go to prom together, which, is always nice to know.
And, last night he was either randomly signing out of msn a lot, or he was being kicked off, by msn. But, anyways, at 10:20, he was offline, and I wasn't sure if that was because of MSN, or because he was really offline, so I went to bed. I did leave him an offline message though.. I don't know if he got it though, because I got an offline message from him this morning asking where I went, and in my message I had told him I was going to bed. He also posted on my Facebook wall "Sorry I signed off! I love you" which isn't anything big, but it's still nice to have him show he cares about whether I'm offline, and that we can talk and stuff.
But, anyways, it's 9:32 now.. so I can probably go to bed soon. I have to clean my room tomorrow, before Johnny comes over around 8:00pm.
I just heard a gun shot, a shot gun, which probably shouldn't be used in this area, unless it's on a wild I'll be scared of wild animals all night, and I'm home alone.. great. XD

Friday, June 10, 2011


I was too lazy to post yesterday, and I still am, but I'm foring myself to.
I don't really know what there is to say.
Johnny did end up spending two nights, but he wasn't going to. So, I guess I was almost right about him only staying one. I think he only stayed because he knew I wanted him to, and I had told him that I hadn't expected him to stay both nights. He said he just wanted to be at his house, because he was more comfortable there, so if we do this again, one or both nights would be at his house. I don't really care where we hang out, as long as we hang out, I'm happy.
I wrote my last major test in Global History today, so for the next, and last, 4 days of school, we just have presentations in that class. And, in Chemistry, we have studying, and one more quiz. And, I think in math we just have review, too. So, other than yoga, no more school work really. We have a project in Yoga due Wednesday.
According to people at school, my math exam is next Friday, and my chemistry exam is the Thursday after that.
The baby rats are starting to learn how to eat and drink now.

The one in the picture is from yesterday, and is 16 days old.

Tuesday, June 07, 2011


Well, I woke up at 5:00 this morning instead of 2:00.. so I had to go to school. For Yoga we went to the preschool not too far away, and did some yoga with them, in a childish way of course. We went on a sea adventure. After that the little kids got to colour pictures of underwater creatures, and the little boy sitting beside me, Hunter, started talking to me. He was really cute. They were about 4 years old. And he was talking to me about his pictures, and how he likes the colour red. And he told me about a time he went fishing with his mom, and they got two fish, and one was really big, and Hunter had to hold it down because it was flopping around, and his mom had to go get a bigger bucket, because the one they had was too small for the big fish. XD
Johnny is supposed to be coming over later today. I don't know what time yet. Yesterday he said he'd come over today for the night, and then today he said he might tomorrow instead of today, but then he said he'd come over for two nights, because we were talking about that. So, he should be over later today, and spend two nights here. I have a feeling he may not spend both nights, but I hope he does..
I'm really tired. And I have a headache, because I had a hot shower, and I have low blood pressure, so showers give me headaches, and sometimes come close to fainting. They've only caused me to actually faint once though. XD

Monday, June 06, 2011


She's twelve days old, and is the first to open their eyes:

No school.

For me, at least. I thought it was bad when I got up at 6:30 yesterday... well, I've pretty much been up since 2:00am, this morning. I did get back to sleep twice, for 30 minutes each, at 6:30 and 7:30, but that's it. And, that's why I'm not in school today, I'd be too exhausted.
When I fell back asleep at 7:30, I had a dream that Johnny was moving away, which was a rather bad dream. But, I don't think he'll be moving any time soon, at least not far away. Which is very good. Like most of my dreams, it had other weird bits of information in it, like I had a pool, with frogs in it (Johnny and I were catching them..) and, I was going on a road trip with my cousin, aunt, and yoga teacher, and Johnny left his laptop in a barn/shed, so I went on it, and left him a message about him moving, and I needed to shave my legs.
At least because I'm staying hom from school today, there's a good chance I'll get to talk to Johnny more than I would if I went to school. There's 9 days of school left I think. Exams start next Thursday, but there's still classes going on that day.. That's probably the last day of classes, it's what I'm going by, and I think most other people are too.
I checked all of the babies last night, and there are 7 or 8 boys, and 4 or 5 girls. There's one I wasn't 100% sure about, but I counted it as a girl originally. It only took like 5 minutes or so to get them all; it was pretty easy to tell. But, I'll still have to keep checking, just to be sure.

Sunday, June 05, 2011


I'm so tired. I have been ever since I spent the night at Johnny's, because I was up until 12 am, and then up at 7:30. Last night I went to bed at 9:10, and I've been up since 6:30am...
But, good news! I picked out the three white babies today, and I was able to successfully sex them! Two (including the one I'm keeping) are girls! (I wanted a girl) And, of course that leaves the last white one to be a boy.
I have a small garbage can with shaving in it to place the babies as I check the sex, so I don't mix them up, but there are 3 white ones, and 9 black ones, if I take all 9 black babies and put them there, Mikey will definately notice, and possibly not like it.. so I don't know how I will check them all, without getting them confused yet, unless I take Mikey out, and bath her later or something, and have my mom watch her swim, as I check the babies. But I don't think that's the best idea. And, if I put them in other parts of the cage, to not get them mixed up, Mikey will just move them all back.. XD
Their eyes should also start opening within the next few days, which I'm excited for. I want them to see me!
Johnny had asked about a week ago, to name the one I keep, and I said yes. Today, when I said it was a girl, he said he would name it an appropriate name, which is good. XD All of my other animals except Shane, have names of the opposite sex that they are. Ian, Aaron, Jake, Jon, Ben, Bert, and Mikey are girls. Care is a boy. And Shane is a boy.
Exams begin in 11 days... I am going to fail the Chemistry one so bad. And, hopefully I do well on the math one. Last year I did above average on the math exam, and I'm doing so much better in math this year...
I really want to know what made Johnny change his mind, and want to be with me again.. I may ask him the next time we hangout in person, or if the topic comes up while we talk on msn.

Saturday, June 04, 2011


This is seriously going to get personal, you ready?

If you were caught cheating, would you fess up?
I'd never cheat on Johnny.
Also, if I were caught, there'd be nothing to fess up, it would already be known.

The last time you felt honestly broken?
Try the last three months.

Are you craving something?

If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
For it to be late enough to sleep, I suppose.
Anything with Johnny would be more prefered though.

Would you rather have ten kids, or none?

What do you hear right now?
Hilary Duff.

Is your bed against more than one of your walls?

What’s on your mind right now?
Johnny, and this song.

Are you there for your friends?
Johnny and Ali.

Last person to see you cry?

What do you do when you get nervous?
Shake, feel sick, get a sore stomache, etc.

Be honest, do you like people in general?
In general, most people are assholes.

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
Who says I'm having kids.

Does anyone completely understand you?
Not completely.

Do you have a reason to smile right now?
Yes. (:

Has anyone told you they don’t ever wanna lose you?
Yeah. Lots actually... most lost me..

Would you be happier if life had a rewind button?
Not now, everything seems to be getting better.
And, if I changed anything in the past, it could make things completely different now, and I don't want that.

Do you tell your mum or dad everything?
Ha, no.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes?
Well, I care about their health, but other than that, no.

Are you going to get hurt anytime soon by someone?
I hope not, but it usually happens.

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
No one, for about another month and a half.
It's been almost a year since Johnny and I first kissed!

Do you think more about the past, present, or future?
All of them, a lot, about equal levels.

How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
It varies every night.

Are you easy to get along with?
Are you?

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?
That would be my mother. Or myself...

What was the last drink that you put in your mouth?
Soy milk!

What size bed do you have?

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?

Do you like the rain?

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do?
More often than I'd like to admit.

Would people refer to you as a goodie goodie, bad news, or neither?
Bad news or neither.

Who were you last in the car with, besides family?
Johnny last night.

What’s the last movie you saw in theaters and with who?
Little Fockers, with Johnny.

Have you ever kissed someone who had a boyfriend/ girlfriend?
Yes... I didn't know they had one.
Well, and I've kissed boys when I was their girlfriend...

Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you?
I don't really expect no one to hurt me.

Your parents are out of town. Would you throw a massive party?

Do you regret a past relationship?
Have I ever mentioned Alex on here before?

Would you rather spend a Friday night at a concert or a crazy party?

Do you tend to fall for the same type of person over and over?

Have you made a joke about somebody that made them cry?
Maybe from laughing.

Do you care too much about your appearance?

Are you a jealous person?

Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
No. I've picked out ones to buy though.

Do you miss anyone?
Always, still.

Last person who made you cry?
Johnny and I were talking about death, and I thought about him dying..

Does your ex piss you off?
Not really, I pretend he doesn't exist.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Homework for Global History. 70 textbook questions and a major test this week...

Are you the type of person who has a new boyfriend/ girlfriend every week?
Definately not.

Is there anyone you want to come see you?

Have you ever been cheated on?

Ever given your all to someone who walked away?
Not completely.

Do you like cotton candy?

Who was the last person you had a serious conversation with?

Are you planning to get knocked up or knock someone up by age 17?
I plan on impregnating someone, yes. How'd you know?

Do you have siblings?

Have you ever fallen asleep on someone?

How has the past week been for you?
Bad and good. Mostly good.

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

What’s on your mind right now?
Johnny, and music.

What were you doing at midnight last night?
Well, I was actually awake for once, but I was going to bed. XD

What is your current mood?
No mood.

Who was the first person you talked to today?
I woke up next to Johnny.

Will this week be a good one?
I hope so. Lots of school work though..

Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy?

Who were you with last night?

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
Kind of, after a while, I just listened to him talk.

Next time you will kiss someone?
Sometime within the next week.

Who should start the kiss, the girl or the boy?
Take turns.

Do you have any plans for the weekend?
I hung out with Johnny, and will do homework.


First of all, to Sami, I don't mind you answering for me, though one thing has changed...
Anyways, I often don't respond to comments, because when I try to, it says I'm not signed in, so I click the sign in button and it takes me to my dashboard, signed in, but when I go to comment again, it says I'm signed out. Though sometimes it works. And sometimes I just don't know what to say. XD
Well, Johnny was supposed to come to my house for the night last night. He did come, but around 10 he started feeling sick, so we came to his house. And, I'm currently on his floor, under a blanket, as if it were a fort. It was so the typing wouldn't be so loud, since it's around 7:45am, and he's trying to sleep. I woke up around 30 minutes ago; wide awake. Apparently being under here doesn't help the typing, but it's not bothering him either way, so I'm still keeping the blanket there because it makes me feel cool...
Anyways, the thing that changed is that yesterday Johnny actually asked me to be his girlfriend again. My answer should be obvious; yes.
He asked in Subway, and said he had planned to take me to Subway and be all romantic and ask there. I'm not sure how serious he was about that, but he does know how much I like Subway. XD
And I don't think this is like the last time we got "back together" for like, a week. Because, we were talking about it and how I wanted to, and he agreed to, but never seemed very certain about it.. and it didn't feel right, fully.
But, this time, it was completely his choice, we were probably just talking about subs right before he asked, not getting back together. And, he had said that he had been thinking about it since Monday, and because I'm "so cool." I was at his house Monday for the night, and I did give him another shorter letter talking about us again..
And, he was okay with changing the status on Facebook, and refers to me as his girlfriend.
Also, as soon as we got to his house and we were still in his car, he said he's glad I waited the three months for him to come back, and of course I am too. He apologized too, which isn't the first time, for confusing me a lot, and having me wait and still love him for months after we broke up.
I don't know how long he wants this to last or anything, and I'm not going to ask. Especially so soon. But, I'm glad this happened, and since he was okay with it on Facebook, he probably doesn't want it ending too soon, because he wouldn't want to go back and forth between statuses like that.
At my house yesterday he saw the baby rats, and petted (XD) the one I chose that I want.
Anyways, I should go now; this is probably long enough.

Friday, June 03, 2011


I'm not going to school this morning, because I have a Chemistry test at 11, and I don't want to send a second one in, in a row, completely blank. My mom didn't really want me to, either. So she said she'd drive me in at lunch. Though I don't want to go at all.
Johnny asked me, last night, after I was in bed, in an offline message, if I wanted to hang out after school today. I responded back this morning in an offline message, saying yes, and asking when. So, since I think it's going to be at my house, I also had to stay home to clean my very messy room. And, I forgot to shower last night, so I had to shower this morning, and I wouldn't have had time to get ready for school and shower.
Last night, one of my old best friends (from Grade 4 - 7) tagged Johnny in a picture of Johnny Bravo and said it was him. She and Johnny have been talking a lot, and even when I was at his house, so I kind of hate her right now, and I commented on how Johnny Bravo is an egoistic asshole. I don't know if she knew I was trying to be a  bitch or not, she responded, but I couldn't tell. I hope she knows.
Johnny just signed in on MSN. (:
Anyways, yeah.. Johnny may comment on my rude comments on the photo, but I'll just tell him why. Though, he may be able to guess.
Anyways.. we made peanut brittle in Chemistry yesterday, because of the butter, I couldn't eat it, but I wasn't in an eating candy mood anyways, so I gave it to my friend who didn't get the chance to make it in her Chemistry class last semester.
Here's a picture of Shane, he's the daddy rat, and about 5 months old:

In Yoga, we're doing two karma yoga projects. We only had to do one, but we had three good ideas, so we're doing two. A girl in our class does a walk-a-thon for cancer research because her grandmother died of cancer, so we're raising money to give to her for that, and we're also collecting stuffed animals to donate to a childrens hospital.
I remember when I rode in an ambulance when I was 5 (asthma attack) I got a Zeddy Bear (Zellers teddy bear). XD
Anways, I should go clean my room now.. Johnny went back to bed, becuase he only had 5 hours of sleep, but he said he'd be over arounf 4:30, and that he'll spend the night... and tickle me the entire time. This is what I get for complaining that we never wrestle anymore. XD

Thursday, June 02, 2011


Today was a bad day. Not long after waking up, I started missing Johnny and worrying that he'd move on. Then I wanted to cut, but I couldn't, because I had to go to school. In school, I continued missing Johnny and worrying that he'd move on. I had left him offline messages this morning, one being that I wanted to talk to him when I got home from school.
When I got home from school, he wasn't on msn, so we couldn't talk. So, I wanted to cut again.
Like an hour later he came on msn, and we've been talking since. He said we should hang out this weekend, at my place this time. So, if he wants to, he can see the baby rats.
I still miss him, and I still worry about him finding someone else.
My friend Vicki said she might take one of the rats. Only one, but apparently she had only one before, and she spent a lot of time with it, and it was happy and everything. There's a good chance she'll take one.
They're moving too much now! Whenever I have one in my hand, I have to be careful to make sure they down crawl off my hand and fall. Before, they'd just lay there wriggling around. XD They're getting more fur too. They're growing up so fast.

Eight Day Old:

Wednesday, June 01, 2011


Hate is really easy. Controlling that hate is what's hard. In other posts, I'd refer to someone as M, well M's real name is Dani. I don't care about not saying her name now. I don't really know why I ever did to be honest. She's such a stupid, fake, hypocritical bitch. And she acts all sweet and innocent, when really she's not, at all. But everyone believes her act, because they're all fucking idiots. Johnny's starting to see her how she really is now, like really see it, and he knows that she doesn't care about him, and he knows she's fake, and hypocritical, and can be a bitch. I'm glad he's finally realizing it.
Last week he told me that she told him to quit smoking weed, which of course did not go over well with him. And, then earlier today, he made a comment about smoking weed on Facebook, and she liked it. Which is fucking stupid and hypocritical.
Now Johnny's starting to realize that if she really cared about him, she'd make an effort to talk to him, and they rarely talk, while she talks to other people all the time. So, she can make time for them, so if she cared about him, she'd make time for him.
I just wish he had realized all of this sooner...
Like, if Johnny and I ever came close to arguing, it has always been because of something involving her, and her acting like a helpless little girl to get him on her side. And, he didn't want to choose sides, but he'd feel bad for her, and try to get me to feel bad for her, or stop being mad at her too. Like, I wouldn't like her, and she'd go to him about it. Just him. So he'd be stuck in the middle, and she'd be acting all sad and helpless, just so he'd feel bad for her. So that caused tension between us. And she's done that several times.
I desperately wish she would die.