I haven't really been posting much recently. I've either not felt liek posting, or I've been too busy to post, depending on the day/time.
I was at Johnny's last night, and he was at my house the night before. Things have been really good between us over the last few days, which is kind of surprising, since just last week I was thinking about whether I wanted to stay with him or break up with him...
Last week I found out that while we were techinically broken up, but still together, and trying to work things out, he cheated on me, with Dani. You know, the girl I absolutely hate, want dead, don't trust, ex best friend, the one who ignored him for two months, the girl who was the only problem Johnny and I ever had. Yeah, that one. I was absolutely pissed off at her, and I probably always will. I thought I hated her before... ha! That's nothing compared to how much I hate her now. She was the only one who knew how much I loved Johnny, and she knew we were trying to work things out, but she still did it,
It's not just her that I blame. I blame him for it too. But, it's hard for me to stay mad at him. I'm mostly just upset with him. Really upset. But we talked about it a lot, which helped. And, I have no idea if he cared about me then, but I know he does now. And, you're supposed to put the past behind you, right? And, I don't like giving up, unless I hate the person, and I don't hate him.
I hate being lied to, tricked, and cheated on, that's why I was thinking about breaking up with him.
Since it happened, those two have not hung out in person, and he told me he wouldn't even speak to her again, if it meant making me happy. I never told him whether it would or not, but it obviously would, so he said he'd stop talking to her, 100% his choice.
And, of course I messaged her about it. When she didn't respond, I re-messaged her. And we talked about it a bit, civilly. I still absolutely hate her and want her dead, but murder's illegal. Which, isn't too bad, because if it weren't, I'd probably be dead by now. Dead people don't kill.
I want to hurt her, physically. Johnny doesn't like violence, or want me getting in trouble or anything. I told Nathan, her ex, about it too, and he doesn't want me to beat her up, and then have me look like the bad person. So, I probably wont. Maybe.
When messaging her, I told her about how I could tell all of her friends about everything she's done, and make them all hate her, and I probably could. But I don't know if I will.
I told Nathan, and I told my cousin Ali, who know really dislikes her. They had kind of been friends.
And now Johnny and Ali, my two best and closest friends are away from her, so it's not too bad.
Johnny had been starting to not want to be friends with her anyways.
I know he really regrets it. And, now, he is different, and he cared about me more now than ever before.
I'm still confused, and I'm still upset with him, but I'm not considering breaking up with him anymore.
When I first found out, which was by reading a message between them on Facebook, which he left open when he went to use the washroom, I sat on my bed, wondering if I should even bring it up, because then he'd know I read the message, but I ended up crying, so I couldn't exactly hide that...
He had spent the previous night at my house, and he was supposed to jam with his friends that day, but he cancelled, and took me back to his house for the night.
He's been saying a lot of sweet things recently. I had been wondering if he was saying them because of what happened or because he meant them. But, he now knows that lying, even if the truth is bad, will only make things worse with me, and I asked him if he really meant what he was saying, or if he was just saying it to make me feel better. And, when he says it, he says he wants me to believe him. So, it seems he's telling the truth.
And, since getting back together, he's been trying more in the relationship. We both have been.
With her out of our lives I can hopefully move on and stop constantly thinking about it, and not let it ruin my relationship with Johnny.
I still have more to think about and figure out and everything, of course.
Besides that mistake, he really is a great guy...