Johnny was here last night for the night, well to sleep. I woke up at 4:00 this morning and went on Facebook to see if he was on to talk to because I couldn't sleep. He was at his friends house, so I assumed he'd be awake still. And he was. We talked until 6:00 and then he decided to come here to sleep, so he didn't have to sleep on the floor or something. He usually comes here to sleep when he's there. He hasn't slept here in a really long time. He feels more comfortable sleeping at his house, so we always hang out there now. He's hardly even been here in over a month; maybe 4 times. I don't mind though. Every time we hang out now, it's for the night, and it's always for at least two nights in a row. Ever since we hung out for two nights for the first time, we've been together more. Even more after being together for 5 or 6 days straight. I like seeing him more, and it feels like we're getting a lot closer. He seems to want to be in a relationship a lot more now, and that he's happy in it and stuff.
All I've really been doing all summer is hanging out with Johnny. I house-sat for my aunt and uncle a few weeks ago for the weekend.
I got The Sims 3 yesterday. But I don't think I'll be playing too much. Mainly at Johnny's so we can talk and I can play at the same time.
Other than that, not much has changed, and nothing interesting is happening.
But I'd say my life is pretty great right now. Except I'm still always tired.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
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I haven't posted in a while. I've either been busy with Johnny or exhausted.
I'm house/pet-sitting for my aunt and uncle this weekend. So, for the most part, I'm at their house alone the entire time. One of my cousin's (Ali) brothers stayed behind, and he's here every once in a while. But he's 14 or so, so he's mostly always gone with his friends being "cool."
They're here right now... barbequing steaks....Well, at least the can fend for themselves.
Things have been really great with Johnny recently, which I love. We've been hanging out so much more now. I was with him for three nights (18th, 19th, and 20th) and we may be hanging out again on Monday. He was going to come see me here on Saturday, but my father may be coming by some time this weekend, to see I'm actually here (he thinks I'm lying) My aunt had said it was okay if Johnny came over though.
The 18th was one year since Johnny and I first kissed. So that was pretty good I guess.
I hadn't thought I'd be very happy about it, after knowing he cheated, but I was still happy....
I got him addicted to the show Criminal Minds, so we've been watching that together a lot.
Anyways.. I'll finish the Challenge thing later hopefully. I'm still quite exhausted.
I'm house/pet-sitting for my aunt and uncle this weekend. So, for the most part, I'm at their house alone the entire time. One of my cousin's (Ali) brothers stayed behind, and he's here every once in a while. But he's 14 or so, so he's mostly always gone with his friends being "cool."
They're here right now... barbequing steaks....Well, at least the can fend for themselves.
Things have been really great with Johnny recently, which I love. We've been hanging out so much more now. I was with him for three nights (18th, 19th, and 20th) and we may be hanging out again on Monday. He was going to come see me here on Saturday, but my father may be coming by some time this weekend, to see I'm actually here (he thinks I'm lying) My aunt had said it was okay if Johnny came over though.
The 18th was one year since Johnny and I first kissed. So that was pretty good I guess.
I hadn't thought I'd be very happy about it, after knowing he cheated, but I was still happy....
I got him addicted to the show Criminal Minds, so we've been watching that together a lot.
Anyways.. I'll finish the Challenge thing later hopefully. I'm still quite exhausted.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Days 17 - 23
Day 17 - Is there anything you would you like to change about yourself?
Day 18 - Talk about your extended family. Why do you think they are the way they are?
Day 19 - If you could be anywhere in the world, but you had to be there for a certain cause, where would you be and why?
Day 20 - Again, pick a song that projects the mood of your week or day.
Day 21 - Look back. Why did you choose this challenge? Do you think it says anything about you?
Day 22 - How do you think people see you? Be a little negative and a little positive.
Day 23 - Explain your life plan for the next month, then the next year, then three years, then five years
Day 17 - A lot of stuff. Appearence, less awkward/shy, smarter, etc.
Day 18 - I actually don't know any of them that well..
Day 19 - Johnny's house, to play a game with him because he wanted me to play with him, but I had to come home today because I had a doctors appointment.
Day 20 - A lullaby. I've been sleepy and lazy.
Day 21 - I was just bored, so I chose it randomly.
Day 22 - They probably either see me as shy, weird, or intimidating. Those are the words I know of that strangers have used to describe me.. XD
Day 23 - Month: Spend time with Johnny, sell baby rats.
Year: Finish high school, figure out where I'm living, and how to get a petstore going.
Three years: Open a petstore.
Five years: Be running a petstore. Hopefully still with Johnny...
Day 18 - Talk about your extended family. Why do you think they are the way they are?
Day 19 - If you could be anywhere in the world, but you had to be there for a certain cause, where would you be and why?
Day 20 - Again, pick a song that projects the mood of your week or day.
Day 21 - Look back. Why did you choose this challenge? Do you think it says anything about you?
Day 22 - How do you think people see you? Be a little negative and a little positive.
Day 23 - Explain your life plan for the next month, then the next year, then three years, then five years
Day 17 - A lot of stuff. Appearence, less awkward/shy, smarter, etc.
Day 18 - I actually don't know any of them that well..
Day 19 - Johnny's house, to play a game with him because he wanted me to play with him, but I had to come home today because I had a doctors appointment.
Day 20 - A lullaby. I've been sleepy and lazy.
Day 21 - I was just bored, so I chose it randomly.
Day 22 - They probably either see me as shy, weird, or intimidating. Those are the words I know of that strangers have used to describe me.. XD
Day 23 - Month: Spend time with Johnny, sell baby rats.
Year: Finish high school, figure out where I'm living, and how to get a petstore going.
Three years: Open a petstore.
Five years: Be running a petstore. Hopefully still with Johnny...
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
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The last few days that I spent with Johnny were really good.
He came over Thursday night, spent the night. Went his friends on Friday, came back and spent the night. Went to his friends on Saturday, came back and took me to the party, dropped me off at home, went back to his friends, then came back and spent the night, then went to his friends Sunday, came back and took me to his place for the night. On Monday, he dropped me off at my fathers and picked me up again that night, and I spent the night with him. I spent all day Tuesday with him, and went home around 9:10. It feels weird sleeping alone again.
At the party, it was fine most of the time. I'm shy, so I didn't say much. A kind of mutual friend, Ben was there, so it wasn't too bad. But the adults that were there kept asking me if I wanted to talk to the other kids, or sit down when Johnny'd band was playing. No. I do not want to talk to people who I hardly know, or have anything in common with, and if I wanted to sit down, I wouldn't be standing. And one guy, kept saying that I didn't have to worry about anyone touching me (sexually)....I know I don't have to worry about that. Because if someone did try to touch me, who is not my boyfriend, I would hurt them. I don't care that I'm shy, and look weak, I'm good at punching, and I'm relentless until stopped. In this case by Johnny. So, even if someone touched me, I'd deffinately being touching them back, just harder, and with a fist, or a chair or something.
Some people are so weird. And annoying. I'd say I was fine standing alone or watching Johnny play. So I am. The only thing wrong was the people annoying me, and constantly trying to make me lighten up and smile, telling me I don't need to worry about sexual assult, and that I can sit down.
I still liked it though, more so when Johnny was around, so no one bothered talking to me much.
And, when I went to my fathers, I was supposed to be going for the night, and he wasn't supposed to be there. But, he ended up being there. I felt sick and out of place and didn't want to be there, so I told Johnny on msn, and he offered to come pick me up again later.
I told my father that Johnny was going by and would take me home, so I didn't have to get up early the next morning, which I would have, and because I don't like sleeping there (it scares me there...) He of course didn't believe me. Even if that were the truth, he wouldn't have believed me. He never does. He asked if I should call my mother to tell her I was coming home early, and I said I didn't have to. I live with my mother, I don't need to call to say I'm coming home. But of course, after I left, he called her, not to see if I got there safely or anything, only to try to prove that I was lying. He doesn't care about my safety. Then he told my mother, he only let me go, because he didn't want an incident like last time (last July we had a physical fight, and I left in the middle of the night and didn't talk to him for months). Which is fucking stupid. He's my father, but I don't live with him. He has no control over what I do. I was a guest at his house, if I want to leave, I can. And, if he tries to stop me, it's kidnapping.
I absolutely hate seeing him. I only went there, because I thought he wouldn't be there.
I'm sick of him. I wish he's just fuck off and stay out of my life.
I don't care that he's "my father." He's my father through DNA, nothing else. He's just the sperm donor, really.
He's an asshole.
It was nice staying with Johnny for such a long time though.
He came over Thursday night, spent the night. Went his friends on Friday, came back and spent the night. Went to his friends on Saturday, came back and took me to the party, dropped me off at home, went back to his friends, then came back and spent the night, then went to his friends Sunday, came back and took me to his place for the night. On Monday, he dropped me off at my fathers and picked me up again that night, and I spent the night with him. I spent all day Tuesday with him, and went home around 9:10. It feels weird sleeping alone again.
At the party, it was fine most of the time. I'm shy, so I didn't say much. A kind of mutual friend, Ben was there, so it wasn't too bad. But the adults that were there kept asking me if I wanted to talk to the other kids, or sit down when Johnny'd band was playing. No. I do not want to talk to people who I hardly know, or have anything in common with, and if I wanted to sit down, I wouldn't be standing. And one guy, kept saying that I didn't have to worry about anyone touching me (sexually)....I know I don't have to worry about that. Because if someone did try to touch me, who is not my boyfriend, I would hurt them. I don't care that I'm shy, and look weak, I'm good at punching, and I'm relentless until stopped. In this case by Johnny. So, even if someone touched me, I'd deffinately being touching them back, just harder, and with a fist, or a chair or something.
Some people are so weird. And annoying. I'd say I was fine standing alone or watching Johnny play. So I am. The only thing wrong was the people annoying me, and constantly trying to make me lighten up and smile, telling me I don't need to worry about sexual assult, and that I can sit down.
I still liked it though, more so when Johnny was around, so no one bothered talking to me much.
And, when I went to my fathers, I was supposed to be going for the night, and he wasn't supposed to be there. But, he ended up being there. I felt sick and out of place and didn't want to be there, so I told Johnny on msn, and he offered to come pick me up again later.
I told my father that Johnny was going by and would take me home, so I didn't have to get up early the next morning, which I would have, and because I don't like sleeping there (it scares me there...) He of course didn't believe me. Even if that were the truth, he wouldn't have believed me. He never does. He asked if I should call my mother to tell her I was coming home early, and I said I didn't have to. I live with my mother, I don't need to call to say I'm coming home. But of course, after I left, he called her, not to see if I got there safely or anything, only to try to prove that I was lying. He doesn't care about my safety. Then he told my mother, he only let me go, because he didn't want an incident like last time (last July we had a physical fight, and I left in the middle of the night and didn't talk to him for months). Which is fucking stupid. He's my father, but I don't live with him. He has no control over what I do. I was a guest at his house, if I want to leave, I can. And, if he tries to stop me, it's kidnapping.
I absolutely hate seeing him. I only went there, because I thought he wouldn't be there.
I'm sick of him. I wish he's just fuck off and stay out of my life.
I don't care that he's "my father." He's my father through DNA, nothing else. He's just the sperm donor, really.
He's an asshole.
It was nice staying with Johnny for such a long time though.
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
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I've been with Johnny for the last few days, since Thursday I think. I'm really tired, so I'm not posting a regular post tonight, and I'll talk about the last few days tomorrow.
My wrist is also really sore, from tying knots for 6 hours... I'm pretty sure I have arthritis, since everyone in my family does, but my doctor never does anything about it. She doesn't even check my wrist. She said I had some leg syndrome. Last time I checked, my wrist was not part of my leg.
My wrist is also really sore, from tying knots for 6 hours... I'm pretty sure I have arthritis, since everyone in my family does, but my doctor never does anything about it. She doesn't even check my wrist. She said I had some leg syndrome. Last time I checked, my wrist was not part of my leg.
Days 13, 14, 15.
Day 13 - Where do you see your best friend in 10 years?
Day 14 - When you are stressed, what can you use as an outlet? Why do you think it helps you?
Day 15 - What do you believe in? And not just God or atheism.
Day 13 - Johnny will be with me. Actually, no, just like me, I have no idea where he will be in 10 years. But I hope he's with me! And, if he isn't willinging, he already knows I plan to chain him up in my basement and keep him forever. So, he's either with me, or trapped in my basement. ;)
Day 14 - Talking to Johnny, because he's just amazing. Animals, because they're cute and nice. Cutting, because of some science thingy, and it actually being able to make you happy.
Day 15 - First of all, I believe religion exists, physically. The act of religoin exists. It obviously does, since people believe it and there's books etc.. But, I don't believe any of the religions. If someone wants to believe in one, or that it's true, they can. But I stay away from religion. I believe science. But I have no theories or beliefs as to what happens after death. I'll find out when I die.
Day 14 - When you are stressed, what can you use as an outlet? Why do you think it helps you?
Day 15 - What do you believe in? And not just God or atheism.
Day 13 - Johnny will be with me. Actually, no, just like me, I have no idea where he will be in 10 years. But I hope he's with me! And, if he isn't willinging, he already knows I plan to chain him up in my basement and keep him forever. So, he's either with me, or trapped in my basement. ;)
Day 14 - Talking to Johnny, because he's just amazing. Animals, because they're cute and nice. Cutting, because of some science thingy, and it actually being able to make you happy.
Day 15 - First of all, I believe religion exists, physically. The act of religoin exists. It obviously does, since people believe it and there's books etc.. But, I don't believe any of the religions. If someone wants to believe in one, or that it's true, they can. But I stay away from religion. I believe science. But I have no theories or beliefs as to what happens after death. I'll find out when I die.
Saturday, July 02, 2011
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The rats started to chew through the wire mesh on the cage, so I took it off. I was really worried that the babies wouldn't be able to stay in there, because they'd get out, and there is a chance they could. So, I put the cage back in the original box, cut a place for the water bottle, and two corners so once wall folds down. That way, they can't get out of the cage unless they are absolutely desperate.
I felt so bad for Shane when I put the babies back in with their mother until figuring out something to do. Because he was back to being alone and lonely again. But at least I don't have to worry about that now, all the boys are able to stay in the cagre again now.
I tried taking a video on my laptop of the boys playing, but after playing with them for about 15 minutes, I decided to stop. And then I noticed the video hadn't recorded properly...so there was no video. And, they were all laying down by the time I noticed, so I couldn't take another video then.
I'm supposed to be going to a big kid party later. Like, the kind with alcohol and drugs and stuff. I will not be doing either of those, I'm just going to watch Johnny's band play, and then probably follow him around like a lost child, and try to be kind of social... I was going to get my mother to drive me there, but she wont be home. But, since it's just up the rode, Johnny said he could pick me up if she couldn't take me there, and he was already planning on driving me back home.
Johnny is thinking about taking two of the baby rats (girls). It would be great if he did. Because he'd take Phillis, the one I was going to be keeping, and also her best friend. They're both really shy, and I don't want them seperated, and I want to be able to see them, so with him would be great.
Either way, there's 3 or 4 pairs to find homes for. 3, if he takes two.
I need to put an ad online soon or something to find homes for the rest. And, I'm going to say, for anyone who gets them, that if ever they no longer want them or something, they can just give/sell them back to me. Because someone might buy them, and then them or their kids never pay attention to them or look after them, so if that happens, they'd be better off back with me, looking for a new home or something.
I felt so bad for Shane when I put the babies back in with their mother until figuring out something to do. Because he was back to being alone and lonely again. But at least I don't have to worry about that now, all the boys are able to stay in the cagre again now.
I tried taking a video on my laptop of the boys playing, but after playing with them for about 15 minutes, I decided to stop. And then I noticed the video hadn't recorded properly...so there was no video. And, they were all laying down by the time I noticed, so I couldn't take another video then.
I'm supposed to be going to a big kid party later. Like, the kind with alcohol and drugs and stuff. I will not be doing either of those, I'm just going to watch Johnny's band play, and then probably follow him around like a lost child, and try to be kind of social... I was going to get my mother to drive me there, but she wont be home. But, since it's just up the rode, Johnny said he could pick me up if she couldn't take me there, and he was already planning on driving me back home.
Johnny is thinking about taking two of the baby rats (girls). It would be great if he did. Because he'd take Phillis, the one I was going to be keeping, and also her best friend. They're both really shy, and I don't want them seperated, and I want to be able to see them, so with him would be great.
Either way, there's 3 or 4 pairs to find homes for. 3, if he takes two.
I need to put an ad online soon or something to find homes for the rest. And, I'm going to say, for anyone who gets them, that if ever they no longer want them or something, they can just give/sell them back to me. Because someone might buy them, and then them or their kids never pay attention to them or look after them, so if that happens, they'd be better off back with me, looking for a new home or something.
Day 12
Day 12 - If you could trade places with anyone for one week, who would it be and why?
Johnny. Because whoever it was would see me naked, and I don't want anyone else seeing me naked. XD
Johnny. Because whoever it was would see me naked, and I don't want anyone else seeing me naked. XD
Friday, July 01, 2011
Day 11
Day 11 - Do you feel protective over someone?
I guess. Like, if someone tried to hurt Johnny, or my little brother or cousin or something, I'd try to hurt them. Even if they were a full grown, strong male....
I guess I can be pretty wreckless when it comes to protecting myself in that way. XD
I guess. Like, if someone tried to hurt Johnny, or my little brother or cousin or something, I'd try to hurt them. Even if they were a full grown, strong male....
I guess I can be pretty wreckless when it comes to protecting myself in that way. XD
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Day 10
Day 10 - Did you have a good day or a bad day? Where do you think that defining line was?
Today was both good and bad. I had to be woken up at 8, to go to school and get my report card. I had to see Dani and not throw my textbook at her face. I was shaking I was so mad...
Anyways, I got 81 in Yoga, 72 in Bio, 67 in Canadian History, 61 in Global History, 75 in English, 45 in Math, and 21 in Chemistry.
I thought I would get like a 9 in Chemistry honestly.... I actually didn't even write the exam...
And, as for math, we dont need Math 11 to graduate, and the teacher never even told us that until it was too late to switch courses. I wouldnt have dropped it if I knew on time.
So, after finally leaving school and hour later, I went and got a new cage for the boy rats with my mother. There were no rat cages, so we got a chinchilla one. And, since the babies are small, I had to rat proof it. It took a total of 7 - 8 hours to put it together, rat proof it, and get it ready for the baby boys and Shane.... 6.5 hours, going towards tying wire mesh stuff to the outside of the cage... Guess who almost went insane today?
Anyways, I put the boys and Shane in, and they're all doing great. They get along well and like their cage. Which, I also require a spoon to open because I'm too weak.
My father stopped in to drop off child money stuff, and my mother was asleep, so I had to answer the door. Well, not answer it, go meet him, since he was already inside. He asked me to baby sit for him Sunday - Tuesday, since he'd be working away for a few days. If he actually does need me to I will, since that will mean seeing Oliver without seeing him hardly at all.
Also, Johnny will be coming over pretty soon, for I'm pretty sure the night.
So, today started out bad, and got good.
Finishing the cage and putting the rats in it was the changing point, though it was also really sad, because they're growing up too fast! And they might miss Mikey and their sisters, and Mikey and the sisters miss them. And when they leave for good, I'll miss them. ):
Today was both good and bad. I had to be woken up at 8, to go to school and get my report card. I had to see Dani and not throw my textbook at her face. I was shaking I was so mad...
Anyways, I got 81 in Yoga, 72 in Bio, 67 in Canadian History, 61 in Global History, 75 in English, 45 in Math, and 21 in Chemistry.
I thought I would get like a 9 in Chemistry honestly.... I actually didn't even write the exam...
And, as for math, we dont need Math 11 to graduate, and the teacher never even told us that until it was too late to switch courses. I wouldnt have dropped it if I knew on time.
So, after finally leaving school and hour later, I went and got a new cage for the boy rats with my mother. There were no rat cages, so we got a chinchilla one. And, since the babies are small, I had to rat proof it. It took a total of 7 - 8 hours to put it together, rat proof it, and get it ready for the baby boys and Shane.... 6.5 hours, going towards tying wire mesh stuff to the outside of the cage... Guess who almost went insane today?
Anyways, I put the boys and Shane in, and they're all doing great. They get along well and like their cage. Which, I also require a spoon to open because I'm too weak.
My father stopped in to drop off child money stuff, and my mother was asleep, so I had to answer the door. Well, not answer it, go meet him, since he was already inside. He asked me to baby sit for him Sunday - Tuesday, since he'd be working away for a few days. If he actually does need me to I will, since that will mean seeing Oliver without seeing him hardly at all.
Also, Johnny will be coming over pretty soon, for I'm pretty sure the night.
So, today started out bad, and got good.
Finishing the cage and putting the rats in it was the changing point, though it was also really sad, because they're growing up too fast! And they might miss Mikey and their sisters, and Mikey and the sisters miss them. And when they leave for good, I'll miss them. ):
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Day 9
Day 9 - Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
I don't see myself anywhere in 10 years. I don't know what's going to happen to my life, so I have no idea where I'll be in 10 years, if I'm even alive. I could easily die within the next 10 years, just like everyone else.
I don't see myself anywhere in 10 years. I don't know what's going to happen to my life, so I have no idea where I'll be in 10 years, if I'm even alive. I could easily die within the next 10 years, just like everyone else.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Day 8
Day 8 - Write about the first moment that comes to your head when you read the words "childhood memory"
Once, when I was about 4, my mother was upstairs doing something while I was left downstairs, alone. And, at some point I started calling my mother downstairs to come find me, because I was hiding. So, she came downstairs to come find me, and she looked around all over the house for me, and she couldn't find me, but she was able to hear me giggling... After a while, she eventually found me on top of the fridge. And, where it was located, she doesn't really know how I got up there. I either climbed onto the counter, and then jumped across the 3 or 4 foot space, to get one fridge, or I climbed up the side of the fridge, using the wall to maybe help me, neither of which I should have been able to do.
I think the climbing one makes more sense though, because when I was even younger, like not long after learning to walk good, I was climbing out of my crib all the time.
I got into a lot of trouble as a baby. XD
I only thought of that story first, because Johnny and I had been talking about it when I was over there last.
Once, when I was about 4, my mother was upstairs doing something while I was left downstairs, alone. And, at some point I started calling my mother downstairs to come find me, because I was hiding. So, she came downstairs to come find me, and she looked around all over the house for me, and she couldn't find me, but she was able to hear me giggling... After a while, she eventually found me on top of the fridge. And, where it was located, she doesn't really know how I got up there. I either climbed onto the counter, and then jumped across the 3 or 4 foot space, to get one fridge, or I climbed up the side of the fridge, using the wall to maybe help me, neither of which I should have been able to do.
I think the climbing one makes more sense though, because when I was even younger, like not long after learning to walk good, I was climbing out of my crib all the time.
I got into a lot of trouble as a baby. XD
I only thought of that story first, because Johnny and I had been talking about it when I was over there last.
Monday, June 27, 2011
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I haven't really been posting much recently. I've either not felt liek posting, or I've been too busy to post, depending on the day/time.
I was at Johnny's last night, and he was at my house the night before. Things have been really good between us over the last few days, which is kind of surprising, since just last week I was thinking about whether I wanted to stay with him or break up with him...
Last week I found out that while we were techinically broken up, but still together, and trying to work things out, he cheated on me, with Dani. You know, the girl I absolutely hate, want dead, don't trust, ex best friend, the one who ignored him for two months, the girl who was the only problem Johnny and I ever had. Yeah, that one. I was absolutely pissed off at her, and I probably always will. I thought I hated her before... ha! That's nothing compared to how much I hate her now. She was the only one who knew how much I loved Johnny, and she knew we were trying to work things out, but she still did it,
It's not just her that I blame. I blame him for it too. But, it's hard for me to stay mad at him. I'm mostly just upset with him. Really upset. But we talked about it a lot, which helped. And, I have no idea if he cared about me then, but I know he does now. And, you're supposed to put the past behind you, right? And, I don't like giving up, unless I hate the person, and I don't hate him.
I hate being lied to, tricked, and cheated on, that's why I was thinking about breaking up with him.
Since it happened, those two have not hung out in person, and he told me he wouldn't even speak to her again, if it meant making me happy. I never told him whether it would or not, but it obviously would, so he said he'd stop talking to her, 100% his choice.
And, of course I messaged her about it. When she didn't respond, I re-messaged her. And we talked about it a bit, civilly. I still absolutely hate her and want her dead, but murder's illegal. Which, isn't too bad, because if it weren't, I'd probably be dead by now. Dead people don't kill.
I want to hurt her, physically. Johnny doesn't like violence, or want me getting in trouble or anything. I told Nathan, her ex, about it too, and he doesn't want me to beat her up, and then have me look like the bad person. So, I probably wont. Maybe.
When messaging her, I told her about how I could tell all of her friends about everything she's done, and make them all hate her, and I probably could. But I don't know if I will.
I told Nathan, and I told my cousin Ali, who know really dislikes her. They had kind of been friends.
And now Johnny and Ali, my two best and closest friends are away from her, so it's not too bad.
Johnny had been starting to not want to be friends with her anyways.
I know he really regrets it. And, now, he is different, and he cared about me more now than ever before.
I'm still confused, and I'm still upset with him, but I'm not considering breaking up with him anymore.
When I first found out, which was by reading a message between them on Facebook, which he left open when he went to use the washroom, I sat on my bed, wondering if I should even bring it up, because then he'd know I read the message, but I ended up crying, so I couldn't exactly hide that...
He had spent the previous night at my house, and he was supposed to jam with his friends that day, but he cancelled, and took me back to his house for the night.
He's been saying a lot of sweet things recently. I had been wondering if he was saying them because of what happened or because he meant them. But, he now knows that lying, even if the truth is bad, will only make things worse with me, and I asked him if he really meant what he was saying, or if he was just saying it to make me feel better. And, when he says it, he says he wants me to believe him. So, it seems he's telling the truth.
And, since getting back together, he's been trying more in the relationship. We both have been.
With her out of our lives I can hopefully move on and stop constantly thinking about it, and not let it ruin my relationship with Johnny.
I still have more to think about and figure out and everything, of course.
Besides that mistake, he really is a great guy...
I was at Johnny's last night, and he was at my house the night before. Things have been really good between us over the last few days, which is kind of surprising, since just last week I was thinking about whether I wanted to stay with him or break up with him...
Last week I found out that while we were techinically broken up, but still together, and trying to work things out, he cheated on me, with Dani. You know, the girl I absolutely hate, want dead, don't trust, ex best friend, the one who ignored him for two months, the girl who was the only problem Johnny and I ever had. Yeah, that one. I was absolutely pissed off at her, and I probably always will. I thought I hated her before... ha! That's nothing compared to how much I hate her now. She was the only one who knew how much I loved Johnny, and she knew we were trying to work things out, but she still did it,
It's not just her that I blame. I blame him for it too. But, it's hard for me to stay mad at him. I'm mostly just upset with him. Really upset. But we talked about it a lot, which helped. And, I have no idea if he cared about me then, but I know he does now. And, you're supposed to put the past behind you, right? And, I don't like giving up, unless I hate the person, and I don't hate him.
I hate being lied to, tricked, and cheated on, that's why I was thinking about breaking up with him.
Since it happened, those two have not hung out in person, and he told me he wouldn't even speak to her again, if it meant making me happy. I never told him whether it would or not, but it obviously would, so he said he'd stop talking to her, 100% his choice.
And, of course I messaged her about it. When she didn't respond, I re-messaged her. And we talked about it a bit, civilly. I still absolutely hate her and want her dead, but murder's illegal. Which, isn't too bad, because if it weren't, I'd probably be dead by now. Dead people don't kill.
I want to hurt her, physically. Johnny doesn't like violence, or want me getting in trouble or anything. I told Nathan, her ex, about it too, and he doesn't want me to beat her up, and then have me look like the bad person. So, I probably wont. Maybe.
When messaging her, I told her about how I could tell all of her friends about everything she's done, and make them all hate her, and I probably could. But I don't know if I will.
I told Nathan, and I told my cousin Ali, who know really dislikes her. They had kind of been friends.
And now Johnny and Ali, my two best and closest friends are away from her, so it's not too bad.
Johnny had been starting to not want to be friends with her anyways.
I know he really regrets it. And, now, he is different, and he cared about me more now than ever before.
I'm still confused, and I'm still upset with him, but I'm not considering breaking up with him anymore.
When I first found out, which was by reading a message between them on Facebook, which he left open when he went to use the washroom, I sat on my bed, wondering if I should even bring it up, because then he'd know I read the message, but I ended up crying, so I couldn't exactly hide that...
He had spent the previous night at my house, and he was supposed to jam with his friends that day, but he cancelled, and took me back to his house for the night.
He's been saying a lot of sweet things recently. I had been wondering if he was saying them because of what happened or because he meant them. But, he now knows that lying, even if the truth is bad, will only make things worse with me, and I asked him if he really meant what he was saying, or if he was just saying it to make me feel better. And, when he says it, he says he wants me to believe him. So, it seems he's telling the truth.
And, since getting back together, he's been trying more in the relationship. We both have been.
With her out of our lives I can hopefully move on and stop constantly thinking about it, and not let it ruin my relationship with Johnny.
I still have more to think about and figure out and everything, of course.
Besides that mistake, he really is a great guy...
Days 5, 6, 7.
Day 5 - Pick a song that projects the same mood as your day or week and explain .
Day 6 - Talk about a recent experience that has effected you greatly and how.
Day 7 - Think of the last person you hugged. What would you do if they vanished completely?
Day 5 - I don't listen to music enough anymore to think of a song that works for this.
Day 6 - This would be what I was talking about talking about in my last post. I still don't know if I want to talk about it.
Another thing, my couin Ali is taking two of the baby rats, now I only need to find homes for 8 of them!....Which is still most. I'm keeping two, she's taking two...
Day 7 - The last, and only person I ever hug, is Johnny. And, if anyone I knew completely vanished, I'd be terrified and maybe go insane. But, I'd just vanish right after him, and follow him!
Day 6 - Talk about a recent experience that has effected you greatly and how.
Day 7 - Think of the last person you hugged. What would you do if they vanished completely?
Day 5 - I don't listen to music enough anymore to think of a song that works for this.
Day 6 - This would be what I was talking about talking about in my last post. I still don't know if I want to talk about it.
Another thing, my couin Ali is taking two of the baby rats, now I only need to find homes for 8 of them!....Which is still most. I'm keeping two, she's taking two...
Day 7 - The last, and only person I ever hug, is Johnny. And, if anyone I knew completely vanished, I'd be terrified and maybe go insane. But, I'd just vanish right after him, and follow him!
Friday, June 24, 2011
hfdskbfjhd
A lot has happened in the last few days..
I don't know if I want to talk about it here or not. I've been considering it, and came close once, but I'm still not sure.
I think I should at least first wait until I figure more things out first, and understand things better.
That's why I've been posting nothing but Day things, because there's nothing else to say, except the one thing I don't know if I want to say.
I think it would be really surprising. Everyone who's found out already, has been really surprised, except me. And, it's not good, but I don't want it to sound bad and make certain people seem bad, though I know it does. When I told my cousin, I used my words carefully, so I was telling the truth, but making it sound more how I wanted it to sound. Which is biased, but still... I don't like the exact truth. Well, I don't like the situation at all, in any way. Except using it to make someone I dislike seem even worse. But, only because of the truth, so it's their fault they did it.
But, I don't know...
I'm supposed to be going with Johnny to a doctor appointment of his sometime next week. His mom had told him to go alone, like without her, and he didn't want to, so he invited me to go. I may know my way around the area better, and he'd probably be nervous about going, since he's going to see why he's been feeling so sick for the last, well, quite a while. He said he's scared that something would be really wrong with him, and so is his mom. I think whether it's something serious or not, he should still go to the doctor about it. I had been asking him to make an appointment for probably months before he finally did... But, at least he has one now. He needs to get blood work done at some point too. I'm not sure if he's getting it done that day or not. But he hates needles.
I don't know if I want to talk about it here or not. I've been considering it, and came close once, but I'm still not sure.
I think I should at least first wait until I figure more things out first, and understand things better.
That's why I've been posting nothing but Day things, because there's nothing else to say, except the one thing I don't know if I want to say.
I think it would be really surprising. Everyone who's found out already, has been really surprised, except me. And, it's not good, but I don't want it to sound bad and make certain people seem bad, though I know it does. When I told my cousin, I used my words carefully, so I was telling the truth, but making it sound more how I wanted it to sound. Which is biased, but still... I don't like the exact truth. Well, I don't like the situation at all, in any way. Except using it to make someone I dislike seem even worse. But, only because of the truth, so it's their fault they did it.
But, I don't know...
I'm supposed to be going with Johnny to a doctor appointment of his sometime next week. His mom had told him to go alone, like without her, and he didn't want to, so he invited me to go. I may know my way around the area better, and he'd probably be nervous about going, since he's going to see why he's been feeling so sick for the last, well, quite a while. He said he's scared that something would be really wrong with him, and so is his mom. I think whether it's something serious or not, he should still go to the doctor about it. I had been asking him to make an appointment for probably months before he finally did... But, at least he has one now. He needs to get blood work done at some point too. I'm not sure if he's getting it done that day or not. But he hates needles.
Day 4
Day 4 - What do you think it means to be in love?
I think it's a lot different than simply loving someone. When you're in love with them, the love is a lot stronger, and you'd be willing to do just about anything for the person, and they're someone you want, or need to be with, and you'd want to be with them, you wouldn't want anyone or anything else, as long as you have them, everything's okay. It would be someone you want in your life for a very long time. The only person you can see yourself with, or happy with.
I think it's a lot different than simply loving someone. When you're in love with them, the love is a lot stronger, and you'd be willing to do just about anything for the person, and they're someone you want, or need to be with, and you'd want to be with them, you wouldn't want anyone or anything else, as long as you have them, everything's okay. It would be someone you want in your life for a very long time. The only person you can see yourself with, or happy with.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Day 3
Day 3 - Where have you been spending your time lately? Three/Five/Ten years ago would you have expected to be there?
My room, and with Johnny.
I maye have expected I'd be spending lots of time in my roo, 3 years ago, maybe 5, but not 10.
I've only known Johnny for a year and a half, so I clearly never expected that.
My room, and with Johnny.
I maye have expected I'd be spending lots of time in my roo, 3 years ago, maybe 5, but not 10.
I've only known Johnny for a year and a half, so I clearly never expected that.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Days 1 & 2.
Day 1 - What happened today? If it was the last day of your life, how satisfied would you be with your final hours?
Day 2 - Who are you? In comparison to who you used to be. What made you change?
Day 1 - (I'm doing this for today, not yesterday, even though I was supposed to do Day 1 yesterday.) Today, so far, I woke up at Johnny's, I've eaten fries and cookies, and I've turned my cousin against Dani. I'll say why in another post, maybe.... So, pretty satisfied.
Day 2 - I'm more daring now, but also more careful...if that makes sense. I'm more open about my hate, but I hate less people. I focus more on good people, and removing the bad people from my life. I guess the fight with my father last July, and getting with Johnny, meeting Nathan, and going through summer, and everything Johnny and I have been through, and even the shit with Dani has changed that.
Day 2 - Who are you? In comparison to who you used to be. What made you change?
Day 1 - (I'm doing this for today, not yesterday, even though I was supposed to do Day 1 yesterday.) Today, so far, I woke up at Johnny's, I've eaten fries and cookies, and I've turned my cousin against Dani. I'll say why in another post, maybe.... So, pretty satisfied.
Day 2 - I'm more daring now, but also more careful...if that makes sense. I'm more open about my hate, but I hate less people. I focus more on good people, and removing the bad people from my life. I guess the fight with my father last July, and getting with Johnny, meeting Nathan, and going through summer, and everything Johnny and I have been through, and even the shit with Dani has changed that.
Monday, June 20, 2011
too tired to post..
Probably too tired to do this, too...
Day 1 - What happened today? If it was the last day of your life, how satisfied would you be with your final hours?
Day 2 - Who are you? In comparison to who you used to be. What made you change?
Day 3 - Where have you been spending your time lately? Three/Five/Ten years ago would you have expected to be there?
Day 4 - What do you think it means to be in love?
Day 5 - Pick a song that projects the same mood as your day or week andexplain .
Day 6 - Talk about a recent experience that has effected you greatly and how.
Day 7 - Think of the last person you hugged. What would you do if they vanished completely?
Day 8 - Write about the first moment that comes to your head when you read the words "childhood memory"
Day 9 - Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Day 10 - Did you have a good day or a bad day? Where do you think that defining line was?
Day 11 - Do you feel protective over someone?
Day 12 - If you could trade places with anyone for one week, who would it be and why?
Day 13 - Where do you see your best friend in 10 years?
Day 14 - When you are stressed, what can you use as an outlet? Why do you think it helps you?
Day 15 - What do you believe in? And not just God or atheism.
Day 16 - What are you passionate about?
Day 17 - Is there anything you would you like to change about yourself?
Day 18 - Talk about your extended family. Why do you think they are the way they are?
Day 19 - If you could be anywhere in the world, but you had to be there for a certain cause, where would you be and why?
Day 20 - Again, pick a song that projects the mood of your week or day.
Day 21 - Look back. Why did you choose this challenge? Do you think it says anything about you?
Day 22 - How do you think people see you? Be a little negative and a little positive.
Day 23 - Explain your life plan for the next month, then the next year, then three years, then five years.
Day 24 - Are you more social or independent? Why do you think that is?
Day 25 - What do you think it means to be a good parent?
Day 26 - Talk about a moment where you were truly happy. What was happening? Who were you with?
Day 27 - Is there a friend you are worried about? Why do they have you concerned? Do you think they'll be okay?
Day 28 - Would you rather someone tell you the truth up front but gently, or be lied to to spare your feelings?
Day 29 - If you could be doing the same things you do now, only in your own way, how would a normal day in your life go?
Day 30 - Look back on this last month and talk about it.
Day 1 - What happened today? If it was the last day of your life, how satisfied would you be with your final hours?
Day 2 - Who are you? In comparison to who you used to be. What made you change?
Day 3 - Where have you been spending your time lately? Three/Five/Ten years ago would you have expected to be there?
Day 4 - What do you think it means to be in love?
Day 5 - Pick a song that projects the same mood as your day or week and
Day 6 - Talk about a recent experience that has effected you greatly and how.
Day 7 - Think of the last person you hugged. What would you do if they vanished completely?
Day 8 - Write about the first moment that comes to your head when you read the words "childhood memory"
Day 9 - Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Day 10 - Did you have a good day or a bad day? Where do you think that defining line was?
Day 11 - Do you feel protective over someone?
Day 12 - If you could trade places with anyone for one week, who would it be and why?
Day 13 - Where do you see your best friend in 10 years?
Day 14 - When you are stressed, what can you use as an outlet? Why do you think it helps you?
Day 15 - What do you believe in? And not just God or atheism.
Day 16 - What are you passionate about?
Day 17 - Is there anything you would you like to change about yourself?
Day 18 - Talk about your extended family. Why do you think they are the way they are?
Day 19 - If you could be anywhere in the world, but you had to be there for a certain cause, where would you be and why?
Day 20 - Again, pick a song that projects the mood of your week or day.
Day 21 - Look back. Why did you choose this challenge? Do you think it says anything about you?
Day 22 - How do you think people see you? Be a little negative and a little positive.
Day 23 - Explain your life plan for the next month, then the next year, then three years, then five years.
Day 24 - Are you more social or independent? Why do you think that is?
Day 25 - What do you think it means to be a good parent?
Day 26 - Talk about a moment where you were truly happy. What was happening? Who were you with?
Day 27 - Is there a friend you are worried about? Why do they have you concerned? Do you think they'll be okay?
Day 28 - Would you rather someone tell you the truth up front but gently, or be lied to to spare your feelings?
Day 29 - If you could be doing the same things you do now, only in your own way, how would a normal day in your life go?
Day 30 - Look back on this last month and talk about it.
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