Wednesday, July 06, 2011


The last few days that I spent with Johnny were really good.
He came over Thursday night, spent the night. Went his friends on Friday, came back and spent the night. Went to his friends on Saturday, came back and took me to the party, dropped me off at home, went back to his friends, then came back and spent the night, then went to his friends Sunday, came back and took me to his place for the night. On Monday, he dropped me off at my fathers and picked me up again that night, and I spent the night with him. I spent all day Tuesday with him, and went home around 9:10. It feels weird sleeping alone again.
At the party, it was fine most of the time. I'm shy, so I didn't say much. A kind of mutual friend, Ben was there, so it wasn't too bad. But the adults that were there kept asking me if I wanted to talk to the other kids, or sit down when Johnny'd band was playing. No. I do not want to talk to people who I hardly know, or have anything in common with, and if I wanted to sit down, I wouldn't be standing. And one guy, kept saying that I didn't have to worry about anyone touching me (sexually)....I know I don't have to worry about that. Because if someone did try to touch me, who is not my boyfriend, I would hurt them. I don't care that I'm shy, and look weak, I'm good at punching, and I'm relentless until stopped. In this case by Johnny. So, even if someone touched me, I'd deffinately being touching them back, just harder, and with a fist, or a chair or something.
Some people are so weird. And annoying. I'd say I was fine standing alone or watching Johnny play. So I am. The only thing wrong was the people annoying me, and constantly trying to make me lighten up and smile, telling me I don't need to worry about sexual assult, and that I can sit down.
I still liked it though, more so when Johnny was around, so no one bothered talking to me much.
And, when I went to my fathers, I was supposed to be going for the night, and he wasn't supposed to be there. But, he ended up being there. I felt sick and out of place and didn't want to be there, so I told Johnny on msn, and he offered to come pick me up again later.
I told my father that Johnny was going by and would take me home, so I didn't have to get up early the next morning, which I would have, and because I don't like sleeping there (it scares me there...) He of course didn't believe me. Even if that were the truth, he wouldn't have believed me. He never does. He asked if I should call my mother to tell her I was coming home early, and I said I didn't have to. I live with my mother, I don't need to call to say I'm coming home. But of course, after I left, he called her, not to see if I got there safely or anything, only to try to prove that I was lying. He doesn't care about my safety. Then he told my mother, he only let me go, because he didn't want an incident like last time (last July we had a physical fight, and I left in the middle of the night and didn't talk to him for months). Which is fucking stupid. He's my father, but I don't live with him. He has no control over what I do. I was a guest at his house, if I want to leave, I can. And, if he tries to stop me, it's kidnapping.
I absolutely hate seeing him. I only went there, because I thought he wouldn't be there.
I'm sick of him. I wish he's just fuck off and stay out of my life.
I don't care that he's "my father." He's my father  through DNA, nothing else. He's just the sperm donor, really.
He's an asshole.
It was nice staying with Johnny for such a long time though.

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