Sunday, February 05, 2012


I was thinking, just now.
When I talk about Johnny on here, a lot of it is complaining. And that probably makes him seem like a really bad guy sometimes. But honestly, I'm a complainer. I can sit there, for an hour and just complain the whole time. I don't talk about things that are good and make me happy, near as much as I complain. Especially if I'm mad or upset, or even sick. All I will do is complain.
I try to write letters to Johnny in school, 95% of the letter is me complaining about class, wanting to go home, counting down the minutes until class is over, one by one, complaining that I'm tired, bored, hungry, or thirsty, and complaining about people I don't like. Other than that, I don't really write anything.
And now I feel bad, because I probably make Johnny out to seem a lot worse than he is. He really isn't that bad. I was bored this weekend, and watched some Tyra and Dr. Phil episodes about abusive relationships, and honestly, mine isn't anything like that, so it really can't be that bad.
He never hits me, or seriously calls me bad names. The worst insult he says to me, is saying I'm acting like his friends really bitchy girlfriend, but he never calls me a bitch, he just says I'm acting like a certain bitchy girl. Which is a lot more indirect, and I understand, that I am acting like her. Sometimes I get mad, and get cranky, but who doesn't? Other than like Nuns and Monks. (I just had to google "Who are the people in the mountains who pray" to remember the word monk...)
Anyways. Johnny is actually a great guy. And I am in a really great mood  now, so maybe this will be happier than normal, but still, just dull it down a little.
He's really sweet, and for the most part, if I'm upset, he's there for me. I've called him at 4 am before, because I was upset over my rat being sick, or from a bad dream about a dog getting mad. And he always stays there listening to me and talking to me to make me feel better. Yes, he is half asleep, but at least he's willing to stay up, when he really just wants to sleep.
He jokes around with me a lot, and likes having fun. He'll cuddle with me quite a bit, and teases me when I want kisses by turning around and stuff, just to make me fight for it.
He gave me his old laptop when he got a new one because mine broke.
He'll surprise me by showing up at my house randomly for a surprise visit. They're usually only between 1 and 10 minutes as he's dropping friends off or picking them up. But still, it's him going out of his way to come over and give me a hug and kiss, and tell me he loves me, when he doesn't have to, and when it could be easier not to.
And like half an hour ago, I was feeling upset, and I felt ugly and like he could do so much better than me. So I decided to text him and talk to him about it. So I brought up our conversation and opened up a new text thing to write a message, and after typing the first letter, I got the sound letting me know I got a text from him. So I waited for it to show up, and it simply said "I love you!" And we hadn't been talking for a while, and he texted me, just when I needed to talk to him and be reassured, and it made me really happy, and instantly feel better.
So, I know I probably complain about him a lot on here, but that's just because I'm really awkward when it comes to happy stuff and talking about it. It's easier for me to complain. But, really, he isn't that bad, at all. He's actually really great, and helpful, and there for me a lot. He isn't perfect, but no one is. And for me, he's close enough.
So, yeah...

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