Saturday, January 15, 2011

I hate my life

My mothers pathetic drunk boyfriend ruins everything. He woke me up at 3:30 this morning, because he was yet again drunk and cooking. He doesn't care how loud he is or who he's affecting.I'm supposed to be going out with Johnny tonight, and I'm going to be completely axhausted before he even gets here, because I've been awake since 3:30. My mother and I got in a big fight yesterday, over him, and she took my door off and grounded me. I had to apologize to become ungrounded, and how he's talking about how tomorrow, my door is coming off again, when it fucking isn't. He does in no way have control over my life. After that my mom said "shut" as in "shut up" and he asked what that meant, and I yelled that it meant shut up, and he said "fuck you" and I said, "no, fuck you, you stupid pathetic drunk" for at least the third time tonight. He fucks everyhting up, and he never has to apologize to me. Then, he said he was good here. Well, either he goes, or I do. I don't care if that means dropping out of schooll and getting a job so I can afford a place to live.
My mother wants me to go back to talk to one of my old psychologists about how my mother and I always fihgt. I didn;t want to at first, but now I want to so I can bring up how my mothers boyfriend fucks everything up and ruins my life.
I slept good last night, and I was hoping to tonihgt, so I wouldnt be tired when I was with Johnny and when I go to his house for the night afterwards. But that is now impossible because of the stupid drunk. I wont even be able to stay up past like 10.
Tomorrow, when my mother is more awake, I will try talking to her again, and I will tell her that she has to chose between me and the drunk. And then he goes or I go, because I am not dealing with his bullshit anymore.
I'm going to try to go back to sleep now. I'm supposed to be getting up early in the morning to completely finish my science fair project - that wont happen. So, I guess I'll already be failing Biology, so dropping out wouldn't be too bad. Besides, I can always go back for education later in life when I don't have to deal with that pathetic asshole.
I might write my mother a letter instead, because if we talk about it, it may only turn into an arguement, on paper, it wont.


  1. Please excuse the harshness of this comment, but your mom needs a @#!*% reality check. If she can't see how this drunk @#!*% is affecting you, and she is rushing to HIS defense, then she has her own issues. Her picker is off, and she needs to do something about it.

    I'm sorry, I don't mean to bag on your mom like that, but it's the truth. Most people wouldn't put up with this kind of thing.

  2. I agree with Monsieur Gargus. I mean, it's possible that there's some remote and very good reason that he's not gone already, but from what I read, which is the best info I'm getting, Gargus is right.

    But running away (or "going", rather)? Isn't that a bit over the top? I mean, OK, I get your situation, but isn't there a rational alternative? Instead of writing a note to your mum that he goes or you go, why not write a letter asking why he's not gone? I mean, not in those words, but my point is maybe, if you write a letter, in calm words, you can get a calm, simple answer from your mum. That way it won't become an argument. And, if you want to talk rather, then talk calmly to here, and if something infuriates you, simply stuff it in the back of your mind until the conversation is over. Then demolish your pillow.

    I think that right now, you should just figure out why she doesn't hate him.