Thursday, April 21, 2011
I decided a few days ago to write Johnny a letter, telling him everything. I'm on page 4 so far. Two of the pages are in point form; he hates reading, and this was an easier was to express a lot of imformation. I'm hoping to give it to him soon. I'm really terrified. I'm not finished it yet though. I've mostly only expressed how much I love him, I still have to talk about my mind, and how I am emotionally, and my thoughts, etc. On msn last night, we were talking a little, and he saw a little more of me, emotionally, than normal. He's starting to know how messed up I am more, so maybe this letter wont be as much of a surprise. He knows he's getting the letter, but not what's in it. It's really hard to get everything out that I need to get out. But, it has to come out. It's tearing me apart on the inside, at least this way, someone else will know, and he can help me, and be there for me, and stuff. And, I'll feel better not hiding all of it anymore; especially from him.