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I was at Johnny's last night. It was amazing. We smiled and joked a lot, and we were really cute and cuddley.. we were like that a lot yesterday and today. But, at one point we were talking about how I care about him, etc. I could have told him almost everything from the letter right there, but I was too scared. So, now when he gets the letter, he'll be even more surprised. He said he somehow knew that I wasn't in love with him...he's going to hate finding out the truth. But, I did honestly admit that I'd be glad to be unhappy, and still love him in 30 years, but I tried to lightly joke about it so it wasn't so bad sounding...he's starting to learn everything, soon he'll know it all.
But, last night really was so great. I was so happy, and I was happy for most of today, even after he dropped me off. Before dropping me off, he had to drop his guitar and amp off at his friends house, and his friend said hi and waved at me, and I'm shy, so I just kind of looked at him from inside Johnny's car, and I didn't know if I should wave or not, but I didn't want to seem like a bitch or something, so after quite a few seconds, I finally waved back... they both laughed at me. XD
We kissed a lot too, and he told me he loved me quite a few times, and we joked around and pushed eachother over and stuff. And, when I was leaving today, before I got out of his car, we kissed and he said he loved me, and I said it back. We never do that anymore...it was really great.
I have no idea what's going to happen with us, but he makes me happy, so it's not like I'm wasting my time on him or anything. I don't think I ever could.
A few days ago, he was talking about how he was cold, so I said it would be nice if my blanket (the crochetted one from my grandmother when I was 6, that I sleep with) was there to keep him warm. And I asked if he missed it, and he, jokingly, said yes. So, tomorrow, I'm getting some yarn stuff and crochet hooks, and I'm making him a blanket. It's such a stupid and weird idea, but it's already in my head, so I am for sure doing it. I was youtubing videos on how to do it, so it shouldn't be too hard.... I used to know how to knit. XD But, yeah, I'm making him a blanket, that will probably just make him think I'm the biggest loser ever, but in a good way. On the drive home today we were talking about colours, and I asked him what his four favourite are, I already knew of orange and green, then he said blue and black, so if I can find a good way to get those four colours into the blanket, I'll use them, and maybe one more. I need four or five colours.
I think I'm also going to build-a-bear workshop tomorrow. I went back in October or November for my birthday (which is in august...) and now I'm going for easter. It should be fun. And luckily for the next two days, Johnny will be really busy preparing for a show Saturday night. It'll be his first show like that. It's at my ex-step-brother's house, for a big party he's having. I can't go, but I'd love to see him play, and I will get to eventually. But, I wouldn't fit in with the people there at all, and there will be lots of alcohol and maybe drugs, so yeah... But, he said he may have a party in June, and I'd be going then. And I get to see him play in his room everytime I'm there. (:
With my old group of friends, we had this way how we could easily jokingly marry eachother, by touching our right pinkies together, and last night Johnny asked me to marry him like that, so of course I said yes. He had only been married to M for so long, and that was on purpose, for some reason, but he finally broke the chain last night. Not like it's a big deal or anything, but it's still cute. He's been using the word forever with me a lot, like that we'd be friends forever, I want to be more, but at least he can talk about us at least being friends forever; that's better than nothing... Theres a lot to write about, but my mind keeps getting confused, and I keep forgetting things, and remembering new things to forget, so I'm just going to go now.