I had a bad dream about Johnny getting another girlfriend a month after we broke up, and him completely moving on, and thinking I had too, while really I was stuck in the past. There were more details, but I don't really feel like talking about it. It was really sad though. I woke up from it at 5:45 this morning, and then I remembered today is exactly 1 month since we broke up. It feels so crazy that I've lasted this long without him. I hate it. I hate life. I honestly wish I could get cancer or something and die.
I don't care what my mother says, I'm not going to school today. I have a major test to write, but I can write it whenever I go back, which will probably be tomorrow, but I don't know.
It's 6:45 right now. My mother will be getting up in 15 minutes to get me up.
I'm going to message Johnny after I tell my mother I'm staying home, asking him to message me back whenever he gets on MSN, because I'm staying home from school. Then, I might try to get back to sleep, but I don't know if I'll be able to, or if I'll want to.
Things had got to the point where I wasn't crying every single day now.. I was still crying most, but not all, and now I wake up crying. It's like I'm back at the very beginning, a month ago. I hate this so much. My life is going absolutely no where. Mid term marks come out in a few weeks... I know I'm going to be doing horrible in every class. I had been doing so good in my classes before the break up, and I was excited for next year. Now I don't give a fuck about anything.
I remember when we first broke up, he said I should be fine after a month... I'm just as bad as I was in the beginning, except I'm usually better at ignoring my sadness now. It's still there, I just pretend it isn't... He'll probably be upset when I tell him today, but I have to. Maybe because of the dream... he had thought I moved on, when I hadn't. And, today is already going to be horrible, so hopefully he and I can talk a lot, because he's the only thing that really makes me happy now. Once I talk to him, things might not be so bad. Maybe. I just know whether it helps or not, I really need to talk to him. It will at least help a little.