Tuesday, March 29, 2011


I'm so useless right now. I have been for about three and a half weeks. Since we broke up. I can't force myself to do anything productive, or any of the things I need to do. I have a kind of big project due tomorrow in Global History, and I hardly started it. And I don't think I'll work on it at all tonight. I never want to do anything now. I hardly care about anything. I care about Johnny, my rats, my other pets (who I hardly see now, because I'm held up in my room, and with the rats here, they can't come in for a while), and that's about it. I never clean my room, I'm doing even worse in Chemistry, I don't do homework, I hardly talk to anyone, and all I think about is him. I know that I should at least be keeping up in school, but just the thought of it makes me depressed and sad, and then it's even more impossible to do.
I had to go to the school at 6:30 for a meeting for the Europe trip I'm going on with some of the other students in 2012. My mother and father both had to be there to sign a document. And Oliver was there too, so it was nice that I got to see him. I had already been kind of sad, because on the way there my mother and I saw a house completely on fire, and that somehow made me sad about Johnny, and then when we were leaving the school, Oliver yelled by from across the parking lot, and all I did was wave, and I don't even know if he saw it. I wasn't really thinking. I should and at least got out of the vehicle and waved or said good bye or something.. rather than hardly move, and wave slowly.
I messaged Johnny as soon as I got home, but I think he's busy because after a few minutes he said "Oh hey" which he never says, and he I asked how he was, and it's been half an hour and he hasn't responded. I really want to talk to him. But I'm not going to bug him if he's busy, so I'll just wait for a response I guess. On Facebook chat, he has they grey circle, which means he's away, or hasn't been active for a while or something. He was writing earlier, so he may be doing that now. It would make sense. I don't really know what to say. There's a lot to say, but I want to say it to him, so I might write about it later in the notebook where I write to him. I don't know if I should say it all to him, I'd just sound incredibly depressed. But, he is the best person to talk to about my problems. He's good at making me feel better.
I'm going to go shower now, I have nothing else I'm able to do..

1 comment:

  1. Hm. As much as I'd like to, I'm not going to attempt to make you feel better as I have an unlucky knack of people greatly misunderstanding my wording online, so I'd hate to make it worse.

    In any case I just hope you feel better soon, and a bit more self-assured. Maybe you should get a kind of hobby, but that's just a suggestion...