Wednesday, March 09, 2011


That's a worried face, not the number eighty.. well, it's both. But I'm using it as a worried face.
Like an hour ago, Johnny and I were talking on MSN, and he mentioned that he was going to jam in a neighboring town with some friends, and that we was going back tomorrow, or something like that. (I didn't really understand) But, he asked if he could come over for the night tonight, and spend the night. I said yes of course, because I want to see him. But, then again, I know it's going to be hard to see him and still be happy, and not cry. He's coming over as a friend. And, I knew he was planning on coming over during March Break to play Super Mario World with me (which is probably the only game I am better than him at in existance, other than the Sims and Harvest Moon XD) But, I never expected him to be coming over so soon, especially for the night. I know it will probably be hard for me, but I want to make the best of it. My mom says it's a bad idea and I shouldn't do it, and that it will only hurt me more, but I need to get used to it eventually, anyways. And, when he drove me home Sunday night, through the crying, we had a good conversation, kind of. I remember talking about names, and how he knows 1 other person named Johnny, and how I know 11 other Katelyn's, mostly spelled the same way too, then we talked about all of the variations, and he had to guess how to spell my name... but he never uses it, he's known me by my nick name since the day we met, which will be a year ago this... Saturday I think. The 13th..
But, he knows that I'm still upset about the break up, and he said he didn't have to come, but I told him he could anyways. And he wont be here until 9:00, so if I'm too sad, I can fall asleep at 11:00, he'd be used to it. Quite often by 11:30, I can't even keep my eyes open, when we're together, so yeah.. XD
And, it's a lot easier for him to come here, because from here to where he's going is like a 15 minute drive, and from my house to his is another 45 minutes, so rather than driving an hour to get home, at night, he's coming it. It saves time and gas, and it's a lot safer, because there are street lights arund here, but for most of the drive to his house, there's hardly any. There's from my house.... five, I do believe, on the 45 minute drive from my house to his. So, not many. And one's right across frm my house, and one's really close to his. One is right across from my father's house too.
I'm making a carrot cake. I don't know if I like carrot cake, but Johnny might, so I'm making it, and if he does, he can have some, because I don't know if anyone else in the house likes it... And, with the icing on it, I can't even eat it, because of milk or eggs. But, there is some icing left over from a cake I made last week, so I might put that on a 1/5 of it or something and see if I like it. XD
Since Johnny's coming over I have to clean my room, clean myself, well I am clean, but I don't look presentable, or even healthy right now... and maybe eat. Since the break up, I've gone a day without eating, a day with some pineapple, a piece of toast, some vegetables, rice, and veggie bacon, and a day with a really small bowl of rice, and today my mom made me toast and veggie bacon, and I ate one and a half pieces of toast, and two pieces of veggie bacon. It's not much, but I hate eating when I'm upset. But, I have low blood pressure, and I've been really dizzy the last few days... I almost got sick too. I've mostly been living off juice, but I don't have much juice either...
I went to my school today to pass in my course registration form and get some stuff from my locker. I saw two of my friends there, one called my name and waved, and I lifted my hand in responce, but didn\t really wave. Luckily they didn't try to talk to me, because I wanted out of there as soon as possible. I was in there for like 5 minutes at the most.
I've been talking to one of my friends about the break up for the last few days, and that helps a bit. Sometimes it just makes me more sad, but at least I have someone to talk to, because I cant talk to Johnny about it. I kind of hopes she responds to a message I sent yesterday soon, if she does at all, so I can talk to her about him coming over tonight... I'm worried, but also excited to see him.
Anyways I should go and clean my room or something.
Hopefully tonight goes well...

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