Friday, March 18, 2011


I've been really horrible with posting recently. My goal had been in the beginning to post every day or second day. It's been 4 or 5 days now. I have pretty much nothing to say either. I have homework that really needs to be done, and only three days left to do it. I go back to school on Monday. I am really not looking forward to it. At all. I don't want to see my "friends." They aren't even really all that good of friends, like we joke about stuff, but that's it. They barely know me, and I barely know them. I'm sick of being friends with people who hardly matter to me. But, I have no one else in school to hang out with, so it's with them, or be alone, which would cause me to think too much, and make school even more difficult. I had been talking to Johnny about it. And he was talking about me trying to make new friends that would be better friends, but we both know I'm not the type to do that. He's the only really good friend that I have. I have my cousin, too, but we don't talk about serious stuff much. And, then there's the other friend who I had been talking about the break up with a bit, but I have a feeling that she's secretly been telling Johnny stuff, well, I have reason to feel that way, so I haven't really been talking to her much now. And definately not about the break up. Even though I do need to see if I can get her to print something off for me some day soon, because my laptop doesn't work with my mothers printer, and she doesn't have the program I used, but my friend does, so hopefully I can print the stuff off there. It's for my grandmother.
I haven't been sleeping good recently. Ever since I went to Johnny's Sunday night, and stayed up until 3, I haven't been getting tired until 3 most nights. Or, even if I'm not tired, I cant force myself to sleep until 2 or 3. Hopefully over the next few nights, that goes back to normal, for when school comes.
Last night, for probably an hour or so, Johnny and I went over more "rules" for our friendship now. They arent really rules, and he doesn't use that term, but it makes the most sense. It's things we can and cant do now, and things we need to tone down. And, also just to straighten things out, like how I say something that to him is "girlfriendly" even though I can and do say/mean it in only a friendly way. Like, I'm closer with him than I've been with anyone else, and I'm comfortable saying anythign to him, so I say stuff that I could have felt with other close friends before, and just not be comfortable enough to say. But, I'm comfortable saying it to him. So, I think telling him that made him feel a little better, and help to realize I'm not obsessed, and that I just care. Over time I think he'll be better able to understand me meaning it in a friendly way; hopefully. It's going to take time for us being friends to become natural again...

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