I haven't posted in forever...

'Here's the last little while of my life in point form:

1. School started Sept. 6th.
2. Sarah (Dani, the bitch I hate) was in my sociology class, but switched out, but also switched into my english class. >:(
3. Because of school, I don't get to see Johnny like 4 or 5 days a week anymore. ):
4. Yesterday he was over for a few hours, and like 10 minutes before he had to go, I started crying because I miss him. XD
5. My rat Philis is sick. ):  But she has medicine, so she should get better hopefully soon.
6. First semester I have Adv. English 12, Sociology, Physics 11, and a prep.
7. Second semester I have Math 12, Agrifoods, Adv. Biology 12, and Physics 12.
8. In November, my english class is going to see a Jungle Book play at an acting theater, not a movie.
9. I am always tired from school.
10. Philis has been keeping me up the last three nights in a row, so I'm even more tired.

And that's pretty much it I think....

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I just got home from Johnny's today after being with him for three nights. I kind of wanted to come home, but only because I missed my cats and rats. I could have spent another night, but both my mother and Johnny worked tomorrow, so it was a lot easier to just come home today.
When I was last home, I tried making a hammock for the girl rats, which they have not used. Then, I had to take the wooden shelves out of the boys cage, because wood absorbs pee... so I had given them other things to hopefully help them with having fun and playing. I even gave them a wheel. They sleep under the wheel, and pee inside of it. So tomorrow, I am going around the house and finding a bunch of new things for both rat cages.
I bathed my cat Care today, to try to get rid of fleas. Which is weird, because my cats are indoor cats, and wear flea collars... but the collars clearly aren't working. And the shampoo wasn't working too well either. Maybe on the weekend I will get my mother to help with bathing the cats.
I think I go back to school on the 6th. I'm really dreading it, because I don't want to be near Sarah, who has recently been coming up in my suggested friends on Facebook a lot. Shouldn't they not come up if their blocked? I'm pretty sure I blocked her....
Whenever I see something on my newsfeed including her, I have to delete the entire thing or it will bother me. I hope she isn't in any of my classes....
Going back to school will also suck because I will have to cut back from seeing Johnny like 5 days of the week, to well, not near as much. ): It's going to be hard to get used to.
Johnny said he misses coming over here for the night, so I think maybe he will now be coming over here more often, at least a little more. And probably even more when school starts, because it would be easier that way.
I have to go get some school supplies this weekend.

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I'm really bored. I just got home from my cousin's house from staying there last night to see their new kitten. Since I had been at Johnny's for four night's before that, I brought my rat Harriet with me, since I hadn't seen her in 5 days. I hadn't seen any of the rats or cats in 5 days, but I could only take one, and Harriet is the most social.
Johnny's birthday was Wednesday. His friend Ben came over and we just played Super Mario for most of the day.
He had been going out of his way to hide his texts the last few days, and seemed more distant, so eventually I just asked why. I had been planning on taking his cell phone in the middle of the night and going to the washroom to read his texts...even though I don't know how to use a cellphone. I didn't want to sneak around like that, but I of course jump to the worst and assumed he was either going to break up with me or was going to cheat on me. I knew he was texting a girl, that I'm pretty sure likes him, named Victoria. But, when I asked him, he said nothing was wrong, and asked if I wanted to read his texts. XD After that I felt like nothing was wrong. I know I worry too much, but I'm still going to.
The last two times I've been home after being at Johnny's I've been more bored than usual, becuase I'm used to being with him, so when I'm here, I don't know what to do. It's going to suck going back to school....
Especially because I can't switch schools because of the Europe trip. Which means I have to go to the same school as Dani for the next year. I honestly don't know if I'll be able to handle it. It's really stressing me out.
I don't really know what else to talk about. There's a lot I could say, but most isn't really important... so I wont bother.

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Today's my birthday. And my mother's birthday.
But, we aren't celebrating.
Last night Rodney, my mother's now ex-boyfriend, was drunk like usual, and got mad over the electricity, and the animals, which he has nothing to do with, but still hates. He was going around and turning on every electrical device in the house, because he was mad about the power bill....which makes no sense, he's only making it worse. And he'll be alone to pay for it.
Anyways, after that, he said my mother had to get out of "his house." Though they both pay for it, it's in both names. He has control issues. Of course we already knew we were leaving. After that, he  lost the chord to his camera, and spent like an hour yelling at my mother that she took it, which she obviously wouldn't do; that's just stupid. And telling her to find it, because he got drunk and lost it. A while later, he shut off all of the power in the house. My mother got him to turn it back on "but only for half an hour" as he said, though it was really only like 10 minutes. My mother tried calling the cops during this time, to have him escorted out of here, but he shut the power off before she talked to an officer. So, she put me and all of the cats in my room, and I locked the door while she went to the neighbors and called the cops again from there.
He turned the power back on once he found out the cops were coming, and then left for the night with a friend. If he had have come back last night again, he'd have gone to jail.
But he was allowed back this morning, and of course came back.
And he has more alcohol to just get mad again tonight.
But my mother found a place to stay with a friend for a month until we find a place to live on our own. And we're going to be packing the next few days and probably be finished moving by Saturday/Sunday.
Johnny's coming over later to take me to go get boxes to use to pack, because Rodney took the keys to the truck, so we can't use it.
We also need to find someone with a truck that we can use on the weekend to move everything.
We're going to probably be calling the cops again to come by some time to "keep the peace" as we try to move and decide what belongs to who.
He's just really childish and pathetic.
I took my birthday information off facebook so I wouldn't get a bunch of people saying happy birthday, since I spent today finding a place to live, and packing. It hardly feels like my birthday at all.

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I just got home from Johnny's about an hour ago. Originally I was supposed to come home yesterday, but when we came here, my mom said she was having guests over, and didn't want me here. She was going to call my aunt to see if I could go there, but I didn't want to, so I went back to Johnny's for another night. I shouldn't have really been there in the first place though, because my mother and her boyfriend were out of town for Monday and Tuesday, and wanted me to stay home to watch the house. But, on Monday night, I found four earwigs in my bed, and I'm terrified of them, so I left my room, attempted to pull an all-nighter in the living room, but fell asleep under a damp towel from 7am - 10 am. I was under a damp towel because I didn't trust the blanket in my room, and most of the other blankets in the house are made up of frabics that for whatever reason really bother me. They make me feel sick and stuff. XD Johnny was going to pick me up around 7am, but luckily he slept in, because I had fallen asleep. I tried calling around 11 - 11:30, and he never answered, but a few minutes later he called back and said he was on his way then. So we went to his house and I messaged my mother saying where I was. But she never got the message, so my cousin messaged Johnny Tuesday night asking where I was, so I went on Facebook and messaged my mother again. She wasn't mad that I left when I shouldn't have, because of the earwigs. Which was good.
Johnny and I are supposed to be hanging out again on Tuesday, because that's my birthday and I wanted to hang out with him.
And then I go back to school in about a month....I really don't want to. Because it will mean less Johnny time, and my sleeping habits have been messed up again for a few months, so I'll be exhausted in school. They started in June, a while before school ended.
I think Johnny had said he'd take me school supply shopping, but he probably forgot, it was quickly said in passing in June. I like school supply shopping, but I hate school.
Johnny was talking about how whenever his parents moved to another province, he might move up there too. He wants to I think. At first I was scared, because it's another province, and we'd be far away. But, he said if he did move, he'd want me to go with him. Which, I'd definately do. Even though I'm young. It's legal. I'd just have to come back and visit my mother a lot or she'd go insane. And he'd only move there for a few years and then come back here. I wouldn't decide to live there, I'm happy here, but if he were going there, I'd want to go just to be with him.
I was possibly going to be babysitting for my father tonight, watching Oliver. But luckily I ended up not having to. I'd like to see Oliver, but I don't like sleeping in that house at all. Johnny said I should sleep in Oliver's room with him, but Oliver doesn't sleep with a night light, and I do. So that wouldn't work out right.
Anyways, I'm going to stop talking now...

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Johnny was here last night for the night, well to sleep. I woke up at 4:00 this morning and went on Facebook to see if he was on to talk to because I couldn't sleep. He was at his friends house, so I assumed he'd be awake still. And he was. We talked until 6:00 and then he decided to come here to sleep, so he didn't have to sleep on the floor or something. He usually comes here to sleep when he's there. He hasn't slept here in a really long time. He feels more comfortable sleeping at his house, so we always hang out there now. He's hardly even been here in over a month; maybe 4 times. I don't mind though. Every time we hang out now, it's for the night, and it's always for at least two nights in a row. Ever since we hung out for two nights for the first time, we've been together more. Even more after being together for 5 or 6 days straight. I like seeing him more, and it feels like we're getting a lot closer. He seems to want to be in a relationship a lot more now, and that he's happy in it and stuff.
All I've really been doing all summer is hanging out with Johnny. I house-sat for my aunt and uncle a few weeks ago for the weekend.
I got The Sims 3 yesterday. But I don't think I'll be playing too much. Mainly at Johnny's so we can talk and I can play at the same time.
Other than that, not much has changed, and nothing interesting is happening.
But I'd say my life is pretty great right now. Except I'm still always tired.

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I haven't posted in a while. I've either been busy with Johnny or exhausted.
I'm house/pet-sitting for my aunt and uncle this weekend. So, for the most part, I'm at their house alone the entire time. One of my cousin's (Ali) brothers stayed behind, and he's here every once in a while. But he's 14 or so, so he's mostly always gone with his friends being "cool." 
They're here right now... barbequing steaks....Well, at least the can fend for themselves.
Things have been really great with Johnny recently, which I love. We've been hanging out so much more now. I was with him for three nights (18th, 19th, and 20th) and we may be hanging out again on Monday. He was going to come see me here on Saturday, but my father may be coming by some time this weekend, to see I'm actually here (he thinks I'm lying) My aunt had said it was okay if Johnny came over though.
The 18th was one year since Johnny and I first kissed. So that was pretty good I guess.
I hadn't thought I'd be very happy about it, after knowing he cheated, but I was still happy....
I got him addicted to the show Criminal Minds, so we've been watching that together a lot.
Anyways.. I'll finish the Challenge thing later hopefully. I'm still quite exhausted.

Days 17 - 23

Day 17 - Is there anything you would you like to change about yourself?
Day 18 - Talk about your extended family. Why do you think they are the way they are?
Day 19 - If you could be anywhere in the world, but you had to be there for a certain cause, where would you be and why?
Day 20 - Again, pick a song that projects the mood of your week or day.
Day 21 - Look back. Why did you choose this challenge? Do you think it says anything about you?
Day 22 - How do you think people see you? Be a little negative and a little positive.
Day 23 - Explain your life plan for the next month, then the next year, then three years, then five years

Day 17 - A lot of stuff. Appearence, less awkward/shy, smarter, etc.   
Day 18 - I actually don't know any of them that well..
Day 19 - Johnny's house, to play a game with him because he wanted me to play with him, but I had to come home today because I had a doctors appointment.
Day 20 - A lullaby. I've been sleepy and lazy.
Day 21 - I was just bored, so I chose it randomly.
Day 22 - They probably either see me as shy, weird, or intimidating. Those are the words I know of that strangers have used to describe me.. XD
Day 23 - Month: Spend time with Johnny, sell baby rats.
Year: Finish high school, figure out where I'm living, and how to get a petstore going.
Three years: Open a petstore.
Five years: Be running a petstore. Hopefully still with Johnny...

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The last few days that I spent with Johnny were really good.
He came over Thursday night, spent the night. Went his friends on Friday, came back and spent the night. Went to his friends on Saturday, came back and took me to the party, dropped me off at home, went back to his friends, then came back and spent the night, then went to his friends Sunday, came back and took me to his place for the night. On Monday, he dropped me off at my fathers and picked me up again that night, and I spent the night with him. I spent all day Tuesday with him, and went home around 9:10. It feels weird sleeping alone again.
At the party, it was fine most of the time. I'm shy, so I didn't say much. A kind of mutual friend, Ben was there, so it wasn't too bad. But the adults that were there kept asking me if I wanted to talk to the other kids, or sit down when Johnny'd band was playing. No. I do not want to talk to people who I hardly know, or have anything in common with, and if I wanted to sit down, I wouldn't be standing. And one guy, kept saying that I didn't have to worry about anyone touching me (sexually)....I know I don't have to worry about that. Because if someone did try to touch me, who is not my boyfriend, I would hurt them. I don't care that I'm shy, and look weak, I'm good at punching, and I'm relentless until stopped. In this case by Johnny. So, even if someone touched me, I'd deffinately being touching them back, just harder, and with a fist, or a chair or something.
Some people are so weird. And annoying. I'd say I was fine standing alone or watching Johnny play. So I am. The only thing wrong was the people annoying me, and constantly trying to make me lighten up and smile, telling me I don't need to worry about sexual assult, and that I can sit down.
I still liked it though, more so when Johnny was around, so no one bothered talking to me much.
And, when I went to my fathers, I was supposed to be going for the night, and he wasn't supposed to be there. But, he ended up being there. I felt sick and out of place and didn't want to be there, so I told Johnny on msn, and he offered to come pick me up again later.
I told my father that Johnny was going by and would take me home, so I didn't have to get up early the next morning, which I would have, and because I don't like sleeping there (it scares me there...) He of course didn't believe me. Even if that were the truth, he wouldn't have believed me. He never does. He asked if I should call my mother to tell her I was coming home early, and I said I didn't have to. I live with my mother, I don't need to call to say I'm coming home. But of course, after I left, he called her, not to see if I got there safely or anything, only to try to prove that I was lying. He doesn't care about my safety. Then he told my mother, he only let me go, because he didn't want an incident like last time (last July we had a physical fight, and I left in the middle of the night and didn't talk to him for months). Which is fucking stupid. He's my father, but I don't live with him. He has no control over what I do. I was a guest at his house, if I want to leave, I can. And, if he tries to stop me, it's kidnapping.
I absolutely hate seeing him. I only went there, because I thought he wouldn't be there.
I'm sick of him. I wish he's just fuck off and stay out of my life.
I don't care that he's "my father." He's my father  through DNA, nothing else. He's just the sperm donor, really.
He's an asshole.
It was nice staying with Johnny for such a long time though.

Day 16

Day 16 - What are you passionate about?
Uhh.. Johnny and animals I guess. Not much else.

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I've been with Johnny for the last few days, since Thursday I think. I'm really tired, so I'm not posting a regular post tonight, and I'll talk about the last few days tomorrow.
My wrist is also really sore, from tying knots for 6 hours... I'm pretty sure I have arthritis, since everyone in my family does, but my doctor never does anything about it. She doesn't even check my wrist. She said I had some leg syndrome. Last time I checked, my wrist was not part of my leg.

Days 13, 14, 15.

Day 13 - Where do you see your best friend in 10 years?
Day 14 - When you are stressed, what can you use as an outlet? Why do you think it helps you?
Day 15 - What do you believe in? And not just God or atheism.

Day 13 - Johnny will be with me. Actually, no, just like me, I have no idea where he will be in 10 years. But I hope he's with me! And, if he isn't willinging, he already knows I plan to chain him up in my basement and keep him forever. So, he's either with me, or trapped in my basement. ;)

Day 14 - Talking to Johnny, because he's just amazing. Animals, because they're cute and nice. Cutting, because of some science thingy, and it actually being able to make you happy.

Day 15 - First of all, I believe religion exists, physically. The act of religoin exists. It obviously does, since people believe it and there's books etc.. But, I don't believe any of the religions. If someone wants to believe in one, or that it's true, they can. But I stay away from religion. I believe science. But I have no theories or beliefs as to what happens after death. I'll find out when I die.

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The rats started to chew through the wire mesh on the cage, so I took it off. I was really worried that the babies wouldn't be able to stay in there, because they'd get out, and there is a chance they could. So, I put the cage back in the original box, cut a place for the water bottle, and two corners so once wall folds down. That way, they can't get out of the cage unless they are absolutely desperate.
I felt so bad for Shane when I put the babies back in with their mother until figuring out something to do. Because he was back to being alone and lonely again. But at least I don't have to worry about that now, all the boys are able to stay in the cagre again now.
I tried taking a video on my laptop of the boys playing, but after playing with them for about 15 minutes, I decided to stop. And then I noticed the video hadn't recorded properly...so there was no video. And, they were all laying down by the time I noticed, so I couldn't take another video then.
I'm supposed to be going to a  big kid party later. Like, the kind with alcohol and drugs and stuff. I will not be doing either of those, I'm just going to watch Johnny's band play, and then probably follow him around like a lost child, and try to be kind of social... I was going to get my mother to drive me there, but she wont be home. But, since it's just up the rode, Johnny said he could pick me up if she couldn't take me there, and he was already planning on driving me back home.
Johnny is thinking about taking two of the baby rats (girls). It would be great if he did. Because he'd take Phillis, the one I was going to be keeping, and also her best friend. They're both really shy, and I don't want them seperated, and I want to be able to see them, so with him would be great.
Either way, there's 3 or 4 pairs to find homes for. 3, if he takes two.
I need to put an ad online soon or something to find homes for the rest. And, I'm going to say, for anyone who gets them, that if ever they no longer want them or something, they can just give/sell them back to me. Because someone might buy them, and then them or their kids never pay attention to them or look after them, so if that happens, they'd be better off back with me, looking for a new home or something.

Day 12

Day 12 - If you could trade places with anyone for one week, who would it be and why?
Johnny. Because whoever it was would see me naked, and I don't want anyone else seeing me naked. XD

Day 11

Day 11 - Do you feel protective over someone?

I guess. Like, if someone tried to hurt Johnny, or my little brother or cousin or something, I'd try to hurt them. Even if they were a full grown, strong male....
I guess I can be pretty wreckless when it comes to protecting myself in that way. XD

Day 10

Day 10 - Did you have a good day or a bad day? Where do you think that defining line was?
Today was both good and bad. I had to be woken up at 8, to go to school and get my report card. I had to see Dani and not throw my textbook at her face. I was shaking I was so mad...
Anyways, I got 81 in Yoga, 72 in Bio, 67 in Canadian History, 61 in Global History, 75 in English, 45 in Math, and 21 in Chemistry.
I thought I would get like a 9 in Chemistry honestly.... I actually didn't even write the exam...
And, as for math, we dont need Math 11 to graduate, and the teacher never even told us that until it was too late to switch courses. I wouldnt have dropped it if I knew on time.
So, after finally leaving school and hour later, I went and got a new cage for the boy rats with my mother. There were no rat cages, so we got a chinchilla one. And, since the babies are small, I had to rat proof it. It took a total of 7 - 8 hours to put it together, rat proof it, and get it ready for the baby boys and Shane.... 6.5 hours, going towards tying wire mesh stuff to the outside of the cage... Guess who almost went insane today?
Anyways, I put the boys and Shane in, and they're all doing great. They get along well and like their cage. Which, I also require a spoon to open because I'm too weak.
My father stopped in to drop off child money stuff, and my mother was asleep, so I had to answer the door. Well, not answer it, go meet him, since he was already inside. He asked me to baby sit for him Sunday - Tuesday, since he'd be working away for a few days. If he actually does need me to I will, since that will mean seeing Oliver without seeing him hardly at all.
Also, Johnny will be coming over pretty soon, for I'm pretty sure the  night.
So, today started out bad, and got good.
Finishing the cage and putting the rats in it was the changing point, though it was also really sad, because they're growing up too fast! And they might miss Mikey and their sisters, and Mikey and the sisters miss them. And when they leave for good, I'll miss them. ):

Day 9

Day 9 - Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
I don't see myself anywhere in 10 years. I don't know what's going to happen to my life, so I have no idea where I'll be in 10 years, if I'm even alive. I could easily die within the next 10 years, just like everyone else.

Day 8

Day 8 - Write about the first moment that comes to your head when you read the words "childhood memory"
Once, when I was about 4, my mother was upstairs doing something while I was left downstairs, alone. And, at some point I started calling my mother downstairs to come find me, because I was hiding. So, she came downstairs to come find me, and she looked around all over the house for me, and she couldn't find me, but she was able to hear me giggling... After a while, she eventually found me on top of the fridge. And, where it was located, she doesn't really know how I got up there. I either climbed onto the counter, and then jumped across the 3 or 4 foot space, to get one fridge, or I climbed up the side of the fridge, using the wall to maybe help me, neither of which I should have been able to do.
I think the climbing one makes more sense though, because when I was even younger, like not long after learning to walk good, I was climbing out of my crib all the time.
I got into a lot of trouble as a baby. XD

I only thought of that story first, because Johnny and I had been talking about it when I was over there last.

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I haven't really been posting much recently. I've either not felt liek posting, or I've been too busy to post, depending on the day/time.
I was at Johnny's last night, and he was at my house the night before. Things have been really good between us over the last few days, which is kind of surprising, since just last week I was thinking about whether I wanted to stay with him or break up with him...
Last week I found out that while we were techinically broken up, but still together, and trying to work things out, he cheated on me, with Dani. You know, the girl I absolutely hate, want dead, don't trust, ex best friend, the one who ignored him for two months, the girl who was the only problem Johnny and I ever had. Yeah, that one. I was absolutely pissed off at her, and I probably always will. I thought I hated her before... ha! That's nothing compared to how much I hate her now. She was the only one who knew how much I loved Johnny, and she knew we were trying to work things out, but she still did it,
It's not just her that I blame. I blame him for it too. But, it's hard for me to stay mad at him. I'm mostly just upset with him. Really upset. But we talked about it a lot, which helped. And, I have no idea if he cared about me then, but I know he does now. And, you're supposed to put the past behind you, right? And, I don't like giving up, unless I hate the person, and I don't hate him.
I hate being lied to, tricked, and cheated on, that's why I was thinking about breaking up with him.
Since it happened, those two have not hung out in person, and he told me he wouldn't even speak to her again, if it meant making me happy. I never told him whether it would or not, but it obviously would, so he said he'd stop talking to her, 100% his choice.
And, of course I messaged her about it. When she didn't respond, I re-messaged her. And we talked about it a bit, civilly. I still absolutely hate her and want her dead, but murder's illegal. Which, isn't too bad, because if it weren't, I'd probably be dead by now. Dead people don't kill.
I want to hurt her, physically. Johnny doesn't like violence, or want me getting in trouble or anything. I told Nathan, her ex, about it too, and he doesn't want me to beat her up, and then have me look like the bad person. So, I probably wont. Maybe.
When messaging her, I told her about how I could tell all of her friends about everything she's done, and make them all hate her, and I probably could. But I don't know if I will.
I told Nathan, and I told my cousin Ali, who know really dislikes her. They had kind of been friends.
And now Johnny and Ali, my two best and closest friends are away from her, so it's not too bad.
Johnny had been starting to not want to be friends with her anyways.
I know he really regrets it. And, now, he is different, and he cared about me more now than ever before.
I'm still confused, and I'm still upset with him, but I'm not considering breaking up with him anymore.
When I first found out, which was by reading a message between them on Facebook, which he left open when he went to use the washroom, I sat on my bed, wondering if I should even bring it up, because then he'd know I read the message, but I ended up crying, so I couldn't exactly hide that...
He had spent the previous night at my house, and he was supposed to jam with his friends that day, but he cancelled, and took me back to his house for the night.
He's been saying a lot of sweet things recently. I had been wondering if he was saying them because of what happened or because he meant them. But, he now knows that lying, even if the truth is bad, will only make things worse with me, and I asked him if he really meant what he was saying, or if he was just saying it to make me feel better. And, when he says it, he says he wants me to believe him. So, it seems he's telling the truth.
And, since getting back together, he's been trying more in the relationship. We both have been.
With her out of our lives I can hopefully move on and stop constantly thinking about it, and not let it ruin my relationship with Johnny.
I still have more to think about and figure out and everything, of course.
Besides that mistake, he really is a great guy...

Days 5, 6, 7.

Day 5 - Pick a song that projects the same mood as your day or week and explain.
Day 6 - Talk about a recent experience that has effected you greatly and how.
Day 7 - Think of the last person you hugged. What would you do if they vanished completely?
Day 5 - I don't listen to music enough anymore to think of a song that works for this.
Day 6 - This would be what I was talking about talking about in my last post. I still don't know if I want to talk about it.
Another thing, my couin Ali is taking two of the baby rats, now I only need to find homes for 8 of them!....Which is still most. I'm keeping two, she's taking two...
Day 7 - The last, and only person I ever hug, is Johnny. And, if anyone I knew completely vanished, I'd be terrified and maybe go insane. But, I'd just vanish right after him, and follow him!